leslie aida sultan...

Love..

2012-02-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

Love is the sweetest thing..
Love brings out the best in us..
Love brings happiness..
Love creates family..
Love overcomes laziness..
Love is perfect..
Love is complete..
Love means forever..
Love moulds responsibility...
Love needs respect..
Love creates sacrifices..
Love donates tears..
Love is sharing..
Love is to understand..
Love is always to forgive..
Love is never too late..
Love brings people together..
Love creates music..
Love evaluates humanity..
Love deals with boredom..
Love upholds creativity..
Love is a gift..
Love is free-spirited..
Love must be honest..
Love must always be kind..
Love heals wound..
Love is sometimes gibberish..
Love is forever alive..
Love will always be a memory..
Love cant be eaten..
Love is soft...
Love involves heart..
Love is a feeling..
Love can be a motive for murder..
Love can be great at times..
Love can kill..
Love causes insanity...

Love is painful..when i dont know who you are anymore..i dont want to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to change..or waiting for a change to happen..if this heart is always about making you feel happy..then why dont you try to make me feel happy instead..relationship is not a childs play now..if it is just a playground for you and my heart is your see-saw,i suggest you leave because im always willing to open the door for you..

Love can be erased..

Hello February..

2012-02-09T21:55:00.009+08:00

These pics are taken in the month of February..full of love and new hopes!..hahaa~

Yikesss!...
its February already..im still at my sister's house in Subang.Im still a part time bibik.Im still a part time baby sitter..if combined together,im a full time bibik and baby sitter at my sister's house.Holidays for me means to read novels,read novels and read novels.But this time,it also includes watching tv series..

There's a lot of things happening lately.as usual,if my life is to be put as a novel,we're gonna need at least 150 chapters to complete it.Too many dramas.

My results are coming out soon.God knows what i will get.Will i graduate?..is my dream about to come true or is it just the plain normal dream and its not gonna evolve like Snow White or Princess Aurora..blablablaaa...

It was my grandmother's birthday about a week ago.So there were many family gatherings.i called my grandmother Oma.so oma's family from Manado came.there were 33 of them..All of whom are Tanta's.Of course i dont memorize their names..too many.hahahaa..the first day of oma's birthday celebration, it was a barbecue at her house..tell me about it..4 canopies.gazillion chairs and bla,bla,bla..

and..believe it or not,otw back to kakak's house,mummy finally spoke.One of my aunties decided that it would be a great idea if i MARRY/MARRIED HER SON!!..before anything,yes mummy rejected my aunt's proposal mildly..i think so..ermm..
Wow..and there goes my mother speaking about marriages and relationships and so many other stuffs about working hard,getting my degree and blablabla to me.In the car.
Luckily i have a very understanding mother who told me,'just be sure if youre gonna be serious with Hariz..im not gonna restrict you with whoever it is that your heart desires'..Im getting older..im going to be 23 this year..soon im gonna be an anak dara tua..who cares..i wanna study..let me complete my education first.
But it sort of bothers me the most that my aunt has the guts to proposed such idea to mummy..really?..let the adults handle it..i dont have a say yet.

okay fine.Back to the story about the second activity on oma's birthday.It was a dinner at Crowne Plaza Hotel..so all of us the Maria clan slept at the Hotel..that night,the ballroom was decorated by Pak Abu..whoooooaaaa..it was like a wedding instead of a birthday party..i posted the photo on my twitter..160 people attended the dinner..there were 16 tables consisting of 10 people to a table..Tengku Puan attended and also the Deputy PM..so were other veteran artistes like Mariani,Latifah Omar and a few more..i didnt get a chance to take photos with them..couldnt walk much with my 4inch heels..wuuuuu...

The third day of the celebration was at Lake Club..as usual,most of our family gatherings were held there..5 tables for the Maria clan at Bunga Raya..we had chinese course and of course Yee Sang..i had a great time with the families..=)..

What a day!!

2012-01-19T22:50:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

Today is January the 19th..
Penat gila..today is the 5th day of fever..yes FEVER!..i demam dengan sangat teruk..i taknak pergi clinic sebab takda duit.Takut nak mintak kat mummy.Nanti kene marah sebab hari tu mummy dah masukkan duit tapi duit dah habis untuk beli Act lah,notes lah,makanlah,topup lagi and etc..nanti menyusahkan pulak my mother..so i prefer to tanggung segalanya sendiri..
it started with a mild cough, then, fever and a horrible flu..i cant study for two days!..bila pening-pening tu dah hilang i pun study lah macam orang gila..i will not give up!..

tapi today..sedih..its my Juris examination..alhamdulillah paper tu i bolehla jawab walaupun tengah sakit-sakit.I went into the hall, with a small towel,strepsils,vicks and a cardigan..i asyik hembus hingus je dalam hall tu..so what?..haha..
This is the most challenging part of the day...
it was in the evening.I had nasi goreng for lunch kat Pak Li..so bila sampai bilik,i thought of taking a short nap..unfortunately,perut i sakit macam memulas-mulas..i meringkuk for 3 hours..my close friend Qiena called her mom and asked for solution.Mak dia suruh sapu minyak kat belakang and dada i sambil baca this one doa..lepas tu mak dia suruh tuam perut with hot towel or at least something really warm..we did all of that..but it doesnt work..at 7pm i dah tak tahan gila so i pergi mandi..in the toilet i muntah..

i tak boleh kacau Hariz sebab dia ada class...so i just texted him and he called from time to time..and at this one point i tak boleh bangun langsung sampai kawan i terpaksa angkatkan phone call..it was really painful..really really painful and i really felt like i was going to die..
Hariz tahu i degil kot..so he called and he insisted that i pergi clinic dengan dia..lepas kene marah and paksa, i forced myself to get out of bed..Qiena tolong siapkan handbag and i pakai baju semua..before that i made an urgent call to kakak untuk suruh dia masukkan duit sebab i memang takda duit langsung..

Hariz was already downstairs..i know dia ada class and serba salah gila,but maybe he was right..i need to go to the doctor..in the car i could not sit still..because my stomach was really painful...macam kene tikam and rasa sempit..i susah gila nak nafas..my face was really pale..i looked so hideous!..
kesian Hariz..he hold my hands and told me to 'tahan'..

Kene pergi bank dulu and he helped to withdraw the money.Sampai je clinic pun i still tak boleh duduk diam..i pergi clinic Najat tu..after the consultation with the doctor barulah i tahu my gastric ni teruk jugak..i have gastric,my blood pressure is low (due to lack of sleep and restless) and my fever just made everything else even worse..
Doctor said i cannot drink nescafe,i cannot take soft drinks,i cannot eat spicy foods..and i have to go on a diet..(whattttttt????)..hahahahaha...

Lepas pergi clinic tu,we singgah kedai to get some bread and a bottle of mineral water..in the car i chewed some bread and drank the mineral water.Without further delay, i consumed the medicines given..
In the car,bila dah masuk campus,perut i sakit gila babi..i nak menangis gila-gila..and suddenly my saliva started pouring out like water..i took a plactic and quickly covered my mouth with it..Im sure by then hariz mesti terkejut gila..and i muntah!..heheheeee...i muntah dlm kereta hariz..nasib baik ada plastic..hariz kan cerewet..so luckily mamat tu tak mengamuk..he gave me his handkerchief..tskkkk..tskkk...sedih..macam cerita korea...hahahhaha...

so now..im in my room..describing my painful moment and posting it in this blog..im thankful theres Hariz,Kakak,Abang Izal,Qiena and Fatin..thank you so much..
so after this, i must be extra careful..i'll make sure to control my caffeine consumation and etc..heheheee...

Wish me luck for my final paper!..its ITF!..=)

Too much to ask.

2012-01-14T23:48:00.006+08:00

A close friend of mine asked me on twitter, why is it that my blog is never pestered with political opinions or whatever it is about demonstration and what not that has been all over the news lately?..He said, because im a law student, and i was once a president for a club in the law faculty,so,why am i not joining those people in their so called political determination?..
Another close friend asked me, what is my opinion about UiTM students and some other students joining or organizing a demonstration and burning a political party flag?..

Haha.
Wow.This is difficult to answer. You see,im very serious when it comes to doing my work.I dont really care about my surroundings or whatever political agenda my friends are all arguing about. If they want to climb a mountain, to place a political flag on it, its their problem and not mine. I do read the papers but its just not within my concern to be extra nosy about those certain matters. I have other obligations, such as to study,to study, and to study..because im stupid. Thats why i went all the way to university.
Only when i have completed my education and enrolled myself to be a minister or MP's to participate in a debate in the parliament(ye kee?),at that time i shall be very active and loud in voicing whatever it is i think is right and whatever it is the government is doing wrong.We are students,act like one. Our perimeters are restricted and confined to education,completing syllabus and also passing all papers for final exams..a lecturer of mine once said 'a healthy oppositon creates a good government'..i agree with that absolutely..But there should be an exclusion clause included there like 'a healthy working-non-student-oppositon will create a good government'..
Some smart assed noob will think that they have the biggest voice in the world and that they know everything about politics..because going against university rules just for the sake of trying to achieve a good end is useless when your voice is not as loud as an elephant and when you yourself is still within the 'amateur' compound.Why cant this people just understand..

Some even argued that if the university is going against demonstration,then why is it when the 10% ratios were out,thousands of our university students from all over Malaysia Demo-ed against the quota ideas.
I was in Jengka debating this motion back in 2007 0r 2008..i fought against a debater from Jengka who strongly agrees with the 10% quotas idea..as for me, i was the government rebutter..
Why dont this people just understand, if someone tries to break into your house, will you just sit down and be quiet and let yourself be bludgeoned to death??..of course you'll fight right?..dont waste your time with those blatant attitude trying to argue about things that are just impossible for you to grab..
Plus, right now, you are going against your own house..get what i mean?..
Few years back, thousands of students demo-ed because they were protecting their rights..that is the university itself..Right now,people are demo-ing to go against the anchor party..that anchor party actually is the one contributing to the university..and going against them means going against the university..
Daddy feeds you,gave you money,provides you car,and grants all your wish to come true.In the end, you stabbed daddy from the back and supported mummy's boyfriend..pathetic right?..
If you wanna go against daddy, then get out of his house.Its as simple as that..

The world is changing.People grow maturely fast enough before the old people could even swallow a home-made muffin..they speak loudly,and the world now is at the peak of globalization where theres no boundaries at all except restriction from ones religion..i may have said that i dont bother about politics and its up and down,but that doesnt mean in clueless as a brainless faggot about it..
My circle of friends are all who owned big mouths..i can see their mouth wide open all the time..so i dont really have to waste my time posting about never-ending opinions.At least not yet..i might as well post about my student life. That is even more captivating...lalalalalaaaa~

When i come to think about it, i think i talked too much..Forgive me if im wrong but if everybody can voice their opinion out loud,so can i..hahahah
i hope im answering those questionss....kann Afiq?..

-Tryinna be smart when ur not eh Leslieee-..;-)

Goodbye 2011!

2012-01-09T01:44:00.008+08:00

Hello people!..
Its the 9th of January today..
This post is about all those great memories i had last year!..=)

Me with some of the Lawsociety Committees 2010/2011..Saya rindu anak-anak ini..i was like their mother..because they told me, i brought a motherly approach during my term..I miss you people..I miss 2011 much moree...

This is me and Rahimi Raduan...i never would have thought being active in the faculty would create a new bond between me and a bunch of new friends..ahahha...this tembam man can now be considered as one of my closest friends..bila susah je dia mesti ada nak tolong..Terima Kasih Rahimi..;)

Yasmin,Yaya and Farid...they were among those people who never failed to give their support...xoxo!..

This is me and Arissa during one of my last days as the President of Lawsoc..

Yay!..berjaya hitamkan rambut..i was truly bored with the old color..so now its black and a few blonde streaks..hahaha~..

This is me and Hariz at the Annual Law Dinner at Sacc Convec Centre..i was handling the protocol along with my other friends for that night..and apparently i managed to squeeze a few minutes to snap this photo with him..I love this man to bits..;')

This is SOFIA...aka KINTING...hahahha..she's my niece and she is so degil..and i like to bully her..i was really mean to her..pushed her around,pull her ears,ignored her..but i love this little tiny faggot..hahahaha!

Me and Fatin during Christmas eve..it was fun..Aloysius was around but i couldnt get hold of his photo because it was in his phone..hahhahaha!..

These pictures were taken when i was in MELAKA!..hahaha..for the Roll The Vote Program..it was fun there..met lotsa new friends..it was seriously fun!i did a lot of great activities!..kat atas ni my first attempt pegang getah 'sekerap'..busukk!...kesian penoreh getah..after program ni baru i faham kesusahan petani,penangkap ikan,pesawah...bagus lah program ni..=))

Well...i guess thats it then...muuahhh!

January..;(

2012-01-07T20:11:00.005+08:00

January 7th 2012..
Hello, this is gonna be another sincere post of mine. Few months back, a friend told me that she cried reading my blog. She said that its too honest and sad. I just smiled...and let me warn you first that today's post will be soooo boring..

Last October,i finally said goodbye to Law Society UiTM..being the President for more than 1 year was really tiring.More than 1 year ke?..ahahaaa..yeap,since the semester period shifted this year,apparently my term is the longest term reigning. Im happy that i step down feeling relieved.I left Lawsoc in the hands of the people i trusted. Organizing programs for students and assisting the faculty to conduct programs for students is not an easy job. I worked with a lot of people and there were so many miscommunication and arguments that happened along the way. Of course creating rivals happens to be the simplest task. Yet, i still managed to meet new friends and a new family. With 44 programs conducted and participated by Lawsoc, 6 major events, 35 meetings, wide publicity and fantastic reviews from outsiders..im glad that all of us made it. The committees were the best ever. The hicoms, they were those people you wanted to share your problems with..we argued once in a while, but the experience we gained made us even closer.. Alhamdulillah..

The painful moment arrived today. I realized that with me being tooooo active, i had no time to even study and make way for my education to carve its way.I guess im used to being so active. Back in school, i joined sports, an active debater, a public speaker and also the BOD for the school's Students Corporation. After my sad results for PMR, i pledge to study hard and to make my mummy proud. I wanted to make her smile after all those troubles i caused her. Indeed i did. I still remembered her facial expression when i brought home the debate trophy when i was in form 5. I won first place as the best public speaker district level. Then,i worked hard to win my next trophy. I was the best debater state level. Then.., i brought home a bigger trophy, i was the best debater national level beating 93 other Technic Schools in Malaysia. I love you mummy. I scored for my SPM. i remembered your proud face when i was on stage receiving my award as Pelajar Cemerlang SPM in school. You smiled..heheheee.. and i kept trying and pursued my studies even further.. My debate trophies when i won the best debater finals for UiTM VC Cup 2008,the best upcoming debate team award,second place for the debate tournament,and that lousy feeling when i won the public speaking competition for kolej-kolej uitm semalaysia 2009.. all of that made you smile. You even bought that trophy cabinet so that i could arrange everything i owned in there. It was never enough for me. After debating for 6 years, i said goodbye to the debating world in 2009. Then, i started being involved in Lawsoc..until i won the election in 2010.For last year only, i was the president for Lawsoc and also as the president for VCSP Law Faculty..as for VCSP, im glad my team mates were very supportive..they did most of the jobs for me because my priority will always be Lawsoc.

And today..its 2012 already. and today, after my Law of Association II paper,i felt so sad..that same feeling i felt after PMR. i left one question in part A blank. i managed to answer quarter for a question in Part B.. i cant cry.. I tried my best. but theres not enough time. and im scared to think about my results. I cant afford to accept failure especially when im in my final year. i should have studied earlier. but i was too busy to even care that i have a responsibility. A responsibility to keep my grades higher. Its too late to regret now. I should have just studied way earlier...... mungkin ada hikmah..saya dah berusaha..im sorry if i failed you..i'll work harder..:)

And also to one of the most important person in my life,Hariz Zikri..dont give up just yet..i told you,never to take things easily.In life, everything happens for a reason. This man, he's so stone hearted. He's not able to touch without feeling. That macho-ness annoys me most of the time. No matter how busy he is, i kept on telling him to always try before giving up..i have no idea if he's gonna listen or not..Its a long way to go.We both have careers to pursue. He'll be graduating soon and its gonna be a different world for him..all i can do is just pray so that he'll be strong. As for us, its just too early to talk about anything. Future is very subjective..thats why we can only plan. Who knows, if i die tomorrow, at least i have this blog for him to read and for mummy to understand...

2012, be kind to me..let me be that student who will succeed.Let me expand my career in a way that i can never imagine. and if failure hit me first, i'll try not to cry.

Miss busy-Body...

2011-11-30T15:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Blog,
i havent been updating stories in a while.Im so busy.i dont even have time to wax my own legs.
i have no time to go out and watch movies.No time to go window shopping.Even nak pergi mcdonald pun asyik drive thru je.

2 weeks ago i went back home to Kuantan to see my darling mother.I went back with kakak on Saturday. Arrived home at 2pm.Straight went and see mummy. She was on her bed. Eating spaghetti.i kissed her and looked at her.Then spent a few minutes with her and off to the kitchen.
My god. Such a mess. Went to my room and change my attire.it took me 2 hours to clean both the dry kitchen and the wet kitchen back at home. it was so un-organized.Such a sore in my eyes. I mean,among my siblings,im the only one who likes to help mummy at home. and my favourite spot is the kitchen. i cleared the fruits basket.The grocery cabinet,the compartment under the sink and all the cutlery drawers.It was dusty. There were so many stuffs that i threw away. So many stuffs i had to sent to the stor. i did everything i could.Sort out the dishes and folded the clothes. Cleaned the bathroom. i cleaned my own room. by 7pm im already damn tired. Then i helped kakak to cook dinner.
i seriously miss home. The next day was already sunday. i took a bus to Shah Alam at 9.30am.and off to Shah Alam.
My week was very hectic...

Last week was the first ever UiTM MOCK TRIAL the Musical held my the Law Society. Never ending busy-ness. i had to catch up with study,programs and a lot of other stuffs. I was really tired. At night i would usually sleep before even finishing my work. Thats when procrastinating came into my life in bundles.

i have to reallyy be strong. i dont want to repeat any papers yet,at the same time i dont want to regret being a president. I just cant. Its my duty and im gonna finish it with great ordeal.

Love life?..i just dont wanna talk about it. I pity my bf. he's been so busy. in a week we seldom meet each other. Thats a good news actually. cuz at least i can focus and he can be serious bout his work. i nearly gave up...but i cant. i just cant..

i love mummy. i love Allah. i love you.

see you again next time!..
and yea,today is 30th of November 2011.Im in a rush right now.Its incredible how i can still type and post this story..hahahah!...muahhh!...

Mummy..

2011-11-19T00:22:00.002+08:00

Dear Blog,

While typing this,im filled with anger and furiousness that its hard for me to breathe to understand why when marriages fall apart,it is always the children who has to bare with the consequences.
I didn’t grow up looking at all the nicest things the world could give. I didn’t know what it felt like living in a home completely filled with marital bliss.I don’t.
Its my fault to feel insecure over the littlest things in a relationship.
I know how it felt, to come home for raya and saw my mother crying over something any woman would have wept longingly.
I know how it felt to see my friends saying ‘I love u ayah,I love you papa’ when I don’t even have any opportunity to do so..

So what?..

November 14th 2011..at 5.30pm..i received a call from my sister.She said my mother met with an accident.My whole world turns dark.I was finishing my presentation and putting some personal touches on it when i received the call. All of my ideas came to a stop. Kakak said she and abang will drive straight to Kuantan on that day.She said mummy maybe in the ICU,mummy broke her leg and etc. After i put down the phone,i cried so hard because i was so worried. I dont know what to do. My studies and my family were the choices that was inside my head at that moment. i called Hariz and asked his opinion,he told me to go home and leave all my work. Then,i decided to make that phone call. 'The decision making phone call'. I called abang. With a calm voice, abang said mummy is fine. She's not in the icu, mummy is okay. Abang told me to stay in UiTM..i was quarterly relieved. I was so anxious waiting for night to arrive. At 11pm kakak texted me that mummy is okay. (a few stitches on her lips and knee cap area). Nonetheless, everything is fine. ALHAMDULILLAH...

In the midst of it all, i remembered mummy's pain.The pain she suffered. Pain that is not caused by physical injury or accidents. Its the heart injury. The kind of injury all second wive's must swallow. and the kind of injury that is so severe when rumours spread about things u never do...

Mummy, its okay if youre hurt and someone broke ur heart. I know how difficult it is for you to breathe. People’s perception can be so evil over the littlest things that you do. Im always there to hold you and to understand your feelings..just like how I was there when u felt down and u needed a shoulder to cry on..
I know,now your working so hard to find money for my education. I know. I will not let u down. Even if im late or difficult circumstances get in my way,I will try to make everything bright for you. I may look busy now,I seldom call you and sometimes I became an ungrateful daughter for making my boyfriend my priority. Forgive me mummy.

I kept your photo in my purse. So that everytime I took my money out,I will remember that its from you. We had a bad start. I know then,you were just busy and u had no time for me. But im 22 now..soon im 23,24,25…and sometimes, i know that youre still not ready to let me go. Sometimes you still treat me like a 7 year old..but I don’t mind. All mothers are like that..

This daughter of yours love you dearly.. she will not let a single bite hurt you. Sometimes I may hurt you mummy. Being too loud sometives has its disadvantages. Who told you to encourage me to enter law school. That’s why all the time whatever you said will be used against you or at least rebutted by me…
All in all, there is never a day that i forget my mother. She may be stern,peculiar,hygienic and fussy..but she's my mummy. The one who slapped me if i did something wrong,the one who would hit me with rotan like corporal punishment if i disobey her, the one who would call me stupid if i read and pronounce wrongly and the one who will always remind me to find a great guy who loves me in return..

If its not because of those methods, i may not have been the strong girl i am now..

Im sorry mummy if i hurt you..i love you for being my daddy and my mummy..

i love you wan and atuk..;)

2011-11-11T15:19:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog,

When i was a little girl,mummy had no time for me.She was always busy.When she came home,she was already tired and gloomy.Whenever i came to her,she would scold me.(budak-budak kan tak paham bahasa)..so,my mother hired maids to help her around with the house chores and etc. So yeah,thats why my indonesian slang is rather thick at times.but all of this happened after i was 5 years old..before that........

when i first came to Kuantan,i was 4 years old.That was after arwah wan passed away. i was ugly,fat,curly and totally kampung. I dont even know a single english word. Yes,i grew up in Kuala Selangor. Wan raised me up after mummy and daddy got divorced. With just a little salary and 3 kids to raised,mummy sent me to kampung because my mother knew my wan could look after me even better.So,there i was,in the kampung with wan and atuk. My atuk was wan's second husband. I love atuk. He pampers me too much.
Kecik-kecik dulu kat kampung,i dont play barbie. i played with askar-askar plastic. Letak atas tanah and main lastik. Pastu ada bunyi 'kebabooo!boooom'..
kalau lapar je,i would go inside the house and arwah wan never failed to provide me with foods.Kadang-kadang pegi kebun koko belakang rumah and melantak buah koko. Kalau bosan and panas, i pergi pakai spender ninja turtle color merah and panjat pokok kelapa or pisang dengan kawan-kawan. Kalau banjir je,berenang la kat luar rumah.
Mummy told me that when i was just a little kid,i would throw my milk bottle at wan's head just because she was late in making me my milk. Teruk kan?..

one morning(subuh),i was awaken by the sound of someone moaning. And i saw atuk carrying wan and placing her on the tilam beside me. Atuk looked worried. i was too young to understand anything. but i knew something was wrong. Atuk placed wan gently on the tilam and whispered to her something and atuk said 'sabar,sabar'..
atuk took a towel and placed it in between wan's thigh because wan could not get up. (later i understood that wan wants to pee)...atuk love wan dearly..i knew he loved my grandmother too much..if i could turn back time,i could have sworn to see that atuk was crying looking at wan. Wan passed away sometime after that.(she fell in the toilet because terpijak sabun).

At noon,there were people flooding the house. I could see people wearing songkok and baju kurung. the men were busy cutting woods outside.(they were making coffin)..and some men were moulding the mud to turn it into a ball (tanah liat bulat)..and the ladies were busy in the house baca yassin. i was running around in front with my friends,when my aunt came to me and said 'ida,pergi cium wan..wan nak kebumi dah'..i dont understand what it means..but i walked and saw wan's lifeless face in kain kapan with cottons stuffed in her nose. I kissed her.for the last time..

i followed them to the grave. i watched how they buried my wan. i saw atuk's gloomy face. i remembered the grave. i remembered the orange sand covering what seems to be my wan's body..i remembered everything about it..

At night,atuk looked after me like i was his own child. he bathed me.feed me..we slept in the hall.and i kept asking atuk 'mana wan?..mana wan'..and he said 'wan takde,ida tidur la'...wan would always tepuk my bombom just to put me to sleep.and he did the same.Atuk usap kepala.i remembered telling him 'jom la pergi jumpa wan kat belakang rumah'..(kubur wan kat belakang rumah tu..mmg tak jauh from rumah..)..but atuk said 'mana ada org pergi kubur malam-malam.jom tido..)..i slept till morning.

another calm day came,this time,it was my uncle who came to pick me up. Mummy told my uncle to pick me up.Wan is gone,no one is gonna look after me..I dont want to go.I know atuk was not willing to let me go. He kissed me so many times and he cried. He cried letting go of my hand..i left atuk,i left my kampung,i left wan and i left my teddy..my brown teddy.

i was in the car..i missed atuk.i cried and cried until we reached kl.dengan hanya selipar buruk macam budak kampung..i met my mother.she took me shopping to buy me new shoes.it was a black shoe with stupid studs and ribbons. i hate that shoe.because im only a kampung kid.and the next thing i remembered,i was in a flight,on my way back to Kuantan,which is officially now my hometown.

i lost contact with atuk ever since. i met a few aunts who said 'atuk rindu ida,dia letak gamba ida dlm poket dia,teddy bear ida pun dia simpan'..

but mummy wont approve of any connection with him.because he was mummy's stepfather. i dont know why my mother hated my atuk so much..but she just doesn't want me to see him..

2 months ago,i accidentally approved a person in fbook.it turns out that the person is my aunt. my long lost aunt who happens to be atuk's daughter on his previous marriage before he was married to wan.
She tagged photos of me and atuk.
I cried again,thinking of the memories i shared with atuk..Atuk passed away a few years ago. He was looking for me even after so long......

He's not my real atuk..we have no blood ties.but he loved me dearly like i was his own..and i loved him back..even after so long,i will never forget my atuk..
You dont hate a person easily...love can bring so many people together..it brings me to my senses..
One day,when im married,i dont want my children to feel the pain that i have felt..
its not worth it..it never will be..

i love you atuk and wan..forever.

Pink Heart and Dark Skinned Creature!..

2011-11-10T23:07:00.004+08:00

Ignore The Photo..Cacat people i tell you!..

Dear Blog,

Hello..im sorry I’ve been neglecting you. But I have a story to tell. Today is the 10th of November 2011. Im so happy that I felt like crying but I cant because I have to be incredibly strong.
I love to write. Theres no doubt about it,in fact I have this unabashed talent of creating something using my creativity.(I'll explain the creativity part in my next post)I dunno where I learnt all of this but I think im learning. To even start with this chapter’s story,I just wanna drift away from reality and head back to the past. Lets go to last year.

Last year,on the 8th of November 2010,I was just this timid shy girl who wishes to be a good lawyer. (kononlahh)I gave up in ‘love’ and I gave up in being close to a guy. At that time,Hariz was a very close friend of mine. Yes,Hariz who is my boyfriend now. I don’t like him. And I don’t even plan on indulging in a relationship with him…
I made him wait for more than a year. But the critical part was when I seriously made him wait for nearly a month until 10th of November 2010 came and I said ‘why not’…
So I became his girlfriend.

Now,it’s a year already. And im so happy.
We faced a lot of problems. A LOT. I cried a lot because im a clingy person. I don’t know how to pursue in a relationship if you seldom see your partner. I mean,why would u have a bf if u guys just see each other once a month…whats the point right?..

From the bottom of my heart,
Thank You awak,
For the smiles,
For the laugh,
For the sacrifices,
For the pain,
For the foods,
For the fuel that u spend,
For the time that u wasted,
For everything…
And most importantly,…
For loving me…=)

Alhamdulillah…it’s a year now..Please be strong.Its a long way to go.and I hope youre the one for me.We are only planning but its Allah SWT ‘s will.
Love someone for who they really are..i guess this is what im doing and if falling in love is wrong,i really dont know what else is right...

Orang gila memang takkan admit dia gila..=)

2011-04-12T04:49:00.005+08:00

Today is the 12th of April..

its 4.45am!!...god im suppose to sleep tapi tak tido..memang dah jadi lumrah manusia pemalas kalau ada assignment tuh mesti nak buat last minute..macam tak paham bahasa je final nak dekat..assignment dah dapat dua minggu lepas tapi esok nak hantar,hari ini baru nak terkial-kial..im like..HELOOO!..bila nak sedar diri..
Akhirnye, setelah bertungkus-lumus selama 6 jam...siap jugak!!..

But i dunno the outcome..is it an A..or B..or Bplus?..

today, i mean,yesterday,..hahaha..i went to Redbox with cintahati and his friends (kak Zu and Kak pika)..we went for karaoke!..i sang a few songs..i peed 3 times!..effing cold okay!..before balik, we went to tapau sushi at Jusco..and went straight to UiTM..

Jom Cecite...

Ada banyak bende gila yang terjadi lately.well, firstly, im scared because exams is just around the corner..i dont want to FAIL anything. its gonna be my final semester soon!..i wanna be happy and finish BLS with a big smile..tapi sifat pemalas tu sering kali jadi bestfriend..macam nak botak je kepala ni..
ape yang gilanye kan?..
well, ia akan menjadi gila tak lama lagi bila 20hb menjelma because 20hb is my first paper!!!!...aiyohhhhh~~~~~~~~~~....

Bende gila number dua..

im a big fan of indonesian singers!!..they are like soooooo awesome...its not that Malaysian singers are pathetic..no!no!no!...
'some' Malaysian singers are fine!..no problem at all..i just love to listen to Indonesian songs..especially the old songs like :

Asmara - Novia Kolopaking
Mengapa - Nike Ardilla
Benci Tapi Rindu - Diana Nasution
Hati Yang Luka - Betaria Sonata
Jangan ada dusta diantara kita - Broery & Dewi Yull

Im so in love with them..penuh dengan citarasa jiwang dan menyelami perasaan!..aiyohhh!..
lepastu, tadi boleh pulak tgh buat assignment tuh tiba-tiba pg google lagu-lagu indon nih..
Kecik-kecik dulu mummy selalu nyanyi dalam kereta..thats why i ingat!..
Bila dah ada lagu-lagu ni, mula lah nak repeat berpuluh ribu kali macam tiada lagu lain je..ni dah bukan cd rosak..tapi mental yang rosak..

Bende gila number tiga..

Tadi i pergi stalk orang..cintahati pernah tunjuk 1 blog ni pasal isteri seorang lawyer..amboihh..i pun dengan sukacitasenanghatijiwaraga pun pergilah bukak blog wanita itu..sampai dah jadi hobi membaca cerita-cerita yang dipost oleh beliau..
She is a very lucky woman and beautiful as well..its good to read her stories about her life as a mother of two and also about her life as the wife of a prominent lawyer in Selangor..dah la cantik..lawyer pulak tu..educated..hurmm..

Can i be like her one day?...(BELAJAR DULU LESLIE!!)..jangan berangan jeeee~..

amin...insyaAllah..Tuhan sentiasa mengizinkan..=)...

ni gambar lama..time ni stress jugak!..saja camwhore kat mcd..=)

Bende gila number empat..

saya dengan rasminya telah menjadi seorang VEGETARIAN..tapi takdelah vegetarian 100%..saya still makan seafood..ikan and ayam saya tak usik..bak kata cintahati, 'perlahan-perlahan kayuh kay'..=)..
apa yang gila nyee?..

gila lah sebab dah nak sebulan saya begini!..its an achievement for me..im sure my friends would go 'fuyoh!..gila lah dia nih!'..haaa...camtuu!!..
hahahahaha...
im not on a diet..i just cant swallow those chickens and beefs,and muttons..and beef patties and nuggets and etcs...after watching that awful video, i rasa macam nak muntah je..bukan geli..just tak mampu nak swallow..

p/s:..i miss u harizz zikri..u dah tido..u penat..takde orang nak text i..=(..dah la tak call..mesti tido berdengkur..terlentang macam Yamm(nama kucing gemok dia)...ishhh!..wachaaa!!..taknak kawan!..

kepala Teleng,kaki limping!..

2011-04-10T16:22:00.006+08:00

heLLo!..

harini 10 April 2011..
im at kakak's house in subang!..yes,i miss home but mummy tak kasi balik kuantan..dia suruh balik rumah kakak..
so,on friday,boyfriend tercinta hantar saya ke Subang..rindu jumpe anak saudara yang bulat-bulat gentel ni..hahahahaha~..at least release la jugak tension di kepala ni bila tgk budak-budak..

anyways, final examination is just at the tip of my nose..its next week and my first paper is Jurisprudence!!!!...pening makk nokkk~...

Nak cerita sikit,my birthday was last month..it was on the 1st of march..lepas tu,bila sampai rumah kakak semalam,ade a few gifts for me!..owh yea..before that,si kekasih hati pun bagi present...hehehehe..he gave me a charm bracelet!!!!...sukeeee!!...
kakak pulak baru balik bercuti from Gold Coast australia..so she bought me a few stuff from there!...

Roxy Cap

Victoria Secret's Love Spell!!..

i ade banyak bende alah ni..kakak is responsible for instilling my passion for this series of body spray from Victoria Secret..i have more than 7 bottles of them and my favourite is Pure Seduction!..

Nine West Hot Pink Heelss!!

and from him..my most desired charm bracelet..!!..theres cupid and crystal charms on it!..

Thank you so much for everything..=)

Cerita Hantu Part 1...

2011-04-09T21:18:00.005+08:00

susahnyee nak update blog..
there's always something to do and there's always something unfinished that needs to be done..okay2..

Bace kan tajuk kat atas tuh?..igt nak letak gambar hantu tadi...tapi bila google i pulak yang takot tengok gambar-gambar tuh..hehehehehehehehe..so xde gambar lah yee..nak type cerita ni pun i dah naik goosebumps!...

Jomlah..i nak cerita pasal cerita hantu..u know what, since i was a very young girl,i memang suke baca cerita hantu..bukan saja baca,i love to read about it as well..alah, budak-budak kecik kan memang suka dengar about momok and all.eventhough im scared, but its still interesting to talk about it..alah macam makan bende pedas yang sedap..
pedas-pedas pun telan jugak,biarpun berpeluh tapi sedap jugak telan..

Time asasi dulu,i ada buat report pasal paranormal activities occuring in college..the scope is UiTM Kuantan..aiyoh..macam-macam cerita i dengar..dah macam Makcik Seekers la pulak..time tu i dengan Meng yang buat report ni...pakguard UiTM pun i interview..

Jom Baca...

Cecite Hantu Asasi

uiTM kuantan ada dua hostel.satu tuh kampus remaja.lagi satu tuh kampus bukit sekilau..dekat remaja ni ada macam-macam cerita yang menakotkan..ada 3 blok..blok A,blok B, and blok C..tapi yang scary sekali org kata blok A..zaman i dulu, blok A tu blok lelaki..so sekarang i rasa mungkin sama kot..
budak-budak lelaki selalu kene kacau kat blog tu..katanye hantu tu maybe hantu perempuan sebab ade yang kene peluk time tido,ada yang kene himpit..and ade jugak yang experience rambut panjanggg mengurai dari siling..
orang kata level paling atas sekali tu level yang berhantu..
ada senior pernah cerita yang they went for karaoke..pastu bila balik bende tu menyamar jadi kawan diorang..bila tegur taknak jawab..sekali bila pusing belakang dah hilang!..
Lagi satu cerita ni,kawan i sendiri yang experience..time tu pepagi buta..dia tengah bergayut dengan boyfriend dia kat depan tingkap sambil menghadap bengkel yang kat tepi kolej remaja tuh..sedang dia tengah berborak tu, tiba-tiba ade bende terbang depan muka dia..dia cakap laju and even rambut kawan i ni pun bergerak..macam ada benda melintas..haaa...camtulahh...kawan i tu duduk block C..
cerita dari pakguard pulak,..
Zaman i dulu ada pakguard from sarawak ni..dia memang garang tapi dia friendly..i lupe lah nama dia..tapi cerita-cerita dia pasal remaja ni seram jugaklah..

Pakguard tu cerita,kalau time cuti bila dia meronda je malam-malam mesti dia dengar bunyi kat atas..bunyi macam ramai gila orang..dia cakap kadang-kadang dengar orang berlari-lari..dengar orang gelak,padahal takda orang!..
Pastu dia cakap,zaman dulu tak ramai sangat budak-budak occupy remaja and cerita hantu zaman tu agak gempak jugak la untuk naikkan segala bulu dalam badan ni..
Hantu perempuan pun agak otai menghantui remaja..pakcik tu cerita, kadang-kadang pakguard selalu kene kacau sebab dia suka tumpang post pakguard..
ada pakguard yang tertido tapi bile bangun ada kat depan guard post..
Yang paling seram bagi i is when pakcik tu cerita pasal pontianak yang bawak anak..pakcik tu cakap, kalau 'bernasib baik' bolehla terserempak dengan perempuan dukung baby and jalan depan korridor!.adoii...tapi katenye dia akan jalan sambil menangis macam anak tu dah mati and dia cuma dukung jasadnye sahaja..

cerita cermin pun agak hot jugak..ada kakak senior yang tengok cermin tapi muka tu bukan muka dia tapi muka orang lain..dengar katenye akak tu taknak masok bilik dah lepas kene kacau tuh..no comment!..

Hantu sekilau

Okay ni pasal hantu-hantu kat sekilau pulak..
when i was in my final semester asasi,i stayed in Bukit Sekilau..it was an old college but after the renovation it was brand new again..
Cerita-cerita kat sini pun boley buat bulu kita gugur..
kawan-kawan i pernah mengadu pasal cerita diganggu-rumah-sebelah..
Di sekilau,kami duduk ala-ala apartment..satu rumah ada dalam 9 orang..block kami ni attached to one another and yang membezakan hanyalah dinding..hehe..
so block yang ujung sekali berdekatan rumah penduduk di situ adalah blok yang kosong..(zaman i intake asasi masih sikit lagi)..
sebelah blok kosong tu adalah rumah kawan-kawan i..diorang ni duduk atas sekali..so bila malam-malam je akan terdengar lah bunyi orang bertukang,ketuk dinding,tarik kerusi dan segala macam bunyi yang mengganggu ketenteraman hidup pelajar penakot macam kawan-kawan i tuh..tapi nasib baiklah diorrang berjaya duduk sampai habis sem..=)..

alaaa,dun worry,i still pergi busy body dekat pakguard untuk tanye pasal cerita hantu ni..
pakcik tu cerita,dulu..dulu..duluuuu dulu..ade 2 org bdk perempuan ni..diorang student kat situ..bile cuti sem diorang balik lambat..so diorang berdua ni je yang tinggal kat blok tu..
pada hari yang malang tu,salah seorang dari minah ni terjaga dari tido..so dia nak kencing kot..toilet kat sekilau ni dlm satu rumah ada 2 jamban and 2 shower..toilet dia sederet je...dia pun pergi toilet..time tengah kencing dia dengar bunyi pintu toilet sebelah bukak and tutup..so dia ingat kawan dia pun kencing jugak..pastu dia dengar bunyi air kat toilet sebelah..pas dia abis kencing and time dia nak keluar tu dia dengar orang berus baju pulak..aiyohh..kalau i pun mesti pelik,pekebendelah nak cuci baju memalam butaa...

so,minah ni pun mestilah curious.. curiosity kills the cat..dia pun pandang toilet sebelah and tgk pintu tu tak tutup rapat sgt pun..dia panggil la kawan dia tu sambil tangan nak tolak pintu toilet..bila dia tolak je pintu tu..........................
berdirilah seorang perempuan berambut panjang dengan muke berlumuran darah...aiyoo..so ape lagi..kuatlah perempuan ni menjerit sampai tak payah bagi mic pun dah confirm-confirm satu neighbourhood dengar!..

pakcik tu cerite,sampai pagi budak tu duduk kat guard post sbb takot punya pasal..

hurmm...setakat ni je lah cerita yang i berjaya korek dulu..betul atau tidak..Wallahualam..

sila tunggu sequel kedua..kisah2 hantu di sekolah and shah alam!..

little miss KOTEX~..

2011-03-31T12:03:00.003+08:00

Apelah gambar kat atas tuh?

tajuk pun about KOTEX????

yesterday, i voted for Sharmaine cause she joined the Kotex fresh Face Search 2011..and i was tempted to see the awards!..ohhemgeeee!..bekalan PAD selama SETAHUN!..c'on lah..tiba-tiba terpandang locker buruk kat hostel ni..hurmm..memang i pun dah tiada pad and belum beli lagi..dahla kedai jauh!..

Betul!..i nak join jugak!..alah..join je lah..if ade rezeki menang lah!..nak!nak!nak!..

So Please!..im gonna need your help to VOTE for me!..i want the PADs!..i want the CASH..(terbayang ipad 2)..tsskkkkkkk...tskkkkkk..

anyways,..how to VOTE??

1) Log In FAcEBOOK..

2)..klik link ni.. http://apps.facebook.com/kotexfresh/

3)click 'VOTE NOW'

4) type my name 'LESLIE AIDA SULTAN'

5)and VOTE.....haaa...camtu je!..

Please vote..and thank you so much..if i menang, i akan
bagi pad tu kat korang sambil campak-campak macam dah kaya sgt..gila!..hehehehehe~

Balloons and his birthday!

2011-03-19T20:15:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the 18th of March!..
yesterday was Farah's birthday.happy birthday Farah!..i wished her in the morning and sang her a stupid birthday song dekat tepi jalan..pathetic rite?..yeap.thats me.

well,in my own manner of not sounding too stupid,i just wanna say that I WENT TO THE HOT AIR BALLOON FESTIVAL 2011!..
hahaha..yeay!..best gila kot..
erm..
citer dia camni.my friends and i have already been planning this since a few months ago. well,its amazing that finally this outstanding dream of going to Putrajaya became a reality.as for me,i was lucky that the meeting in the evening was canceled because Haeme was sick.
We departed from uitm at 2pm.and apparently we have to wait for Fatin's bf and his friend which took us another wasteful 1 hour.And then, it was raining heavily. sumpah lebat!..buntot panas gila duduk dalam kereta tuh. kene pulak melayan kerenah mien yang macam org meroyan. adoii...kesabaran memuncak di waktu klimaks begitu.takpe-takpe..
okay,..dah la lama duduk dalam kereta sebab stuck dekat federal.tambah pulak lagi dgn malaysian drivers yang bwk kereta mcm dapat lesen terbang. haihh..memang susah laaa hidup..
dah la i tertido in the car smpai termimpi-mimpi beli topi kat putrajaya.(xtaw la kenape mimpi ni tapi smpi sane mien yg beli topi and bukan aku..)

pastu smpi putrajaya dlm kul 5 lebih..ramai nyee org..
so we walked to our destination.
Banyak gile belon.kita orang ni Batak sikit so mesti lah nak tgk dekat-dekat.
we went to the menara pensil which eventually we used to look at it from far..
tapi semalam siap jalan2 and ambil gambar lagi dekat situ..

bila dah puas jalan-jalan mule la kan org gemok mcm i ni nak meroyan pulak. ye lah,lapa wey!..
pg la ke pasar malam yang ade dekat situ and semua benda nak beli..

Ni lah gambar-gambar di sana...=>

otw back tuh, i receive a text from my bf's classmates.
YES!...its hariz's birthday on the 19th..which is today lah..lol!..
we made a brief plan on how to spank him with a flattering prank.
i rushed back to shah alam..ye Farah, kau memang laju bawak kereta..=)
sampai shah alam, pg makan kat tasik dulu dgn mien and farah.pastu kelam kabut pergi rumah Pipah.aishhhh...kesabaran melanda lagi apabila Hariz nak maen futsal malam tu..so nak tak nak pun kena akur jugak. and terpaksa menipu cakap tak jadi jumpe dia..(padahal dah buat plan dgn classmate dia)..
i was kidnapped by one of his classmates and perancangan-cam-gempak pun terjadi..6 kereta convoi pg kat taman area rumah si bf.(kalau tak bersyukur lg tak tahu laaah)..

his friends waited at the other side of the field and i waited for him alone kat satu tempat ni..dia pun smpai..hahahaha...dah la dengan seluar pendek bunga-bunga kaler merah..kasut pun merah..rambut mcm nelayan..ye,ye..paham baru lepas maen futsal..hahahaha..i love u to bits..kau memang busuk,tapi aku tetap sayang kau lah gemok!..

panjang kalau nak cerita, tapi to make it short..prank tak berapa nak jadi..sebab si Bf nampak kepala Mamu kat padang tuh..lol..(aku pun satu,mestila dia kenal kawan-kawan dia)..
takpelah,kita org pun nyanyi sumbang-sumbang alam utk dia and he blew his candles.we went straight to mamak..makan-makan..lepak-lepak..gelak-gelak..=)

came back home a 3.40am..(dah boley sahur dah)..
all in all,Hariz Zikri, i love u so much..happy birthday syg..=)..
(sedey..tak ambil gambar pun dengan dia and seluar merah bunga-bunga..=(

Its okay..

2011-03-15T10:43:00.003+08:00

'Its okay' is a sentence that always escape our mouth in times especially when we are surrendering about something..in other words 'pasrah'..
Today is the day i went to class with my 4inch wedges,my messy brown hair,long fitting shirt and my shoulder strap bag which is obviously not sporty enough..hummph...
Took my ipod outta my bag and stuff the earfons in my ears with keri hilsons song 'pretty girl rock' playing..walked effortlessly to class..its jurisprudence this morning..
Im in class now,and im typing all this through my ipod.im just lonely and gloomy..Hariz is busy with his work..its like his routine now to leave for class early in the morning..and went back home 'early' in the morning as well..by the time he reached home,hes already tired and i dont wanna drag the leftovers of his sleeping hours for a conversation on the phone..i went to sleep..im independent now.i no longer wait for my lullaby call.i would just go to sleep even before he does.the next thing i know,its morning and theres a few message on the screen of my blackberry..

So today is just like yesterday..went to class..do my own thing..finish some society work and went back to kenanga when im done or when im hungry..
I sorta have some crisis with my friends..not all of them..only a few..and things just got worst..i feel sad..and the reason for all of this
is bcause im so busy and i have a boyfriEnd..its not worth explaining now because i just dont know what else to do..in fact,i was insulted severely and i guess no one took the effort of trying to help..i cried nearly everyday..i have assignments,i have probs to handle with the comitees,and now i have problems with my friends..
Call me anything you like..diva,hot,bitch,berlagak nak mati or whatever it is..
I just wanna say thank you...and its okay..
At least i know who i am...every tears that skipped out of my eyes makes me stronger...
People survived througj break ups...and i just pray to god that i will survive from all this mess...
Tuhan itu maha kaya..
Do whatever you want because i will always remember that my mother said,respect those who respect you...and biarlah of orang itu buat kita tapi jangan kita buat orang tu..
Again,thank you and its okay..

..Kau pikir aku kesah ke?

2011-03-13T17:50:00.003+08:00

Perasaan sekarang macam nak jerit kuat-kuat je bagi the whole world dengar..=)
sekarang ni is bulan march..
well yeah,i know its march and theres a lot os stuff goin on..
i played futsal just now!..yeaaay!
and it was awesome...my team from Law Society managed to reach semi-finals!..
-----err...i know it sounded normal but....IT WAS UNEXPECTED!!..
okay-okay..yea,yea..done with futsal...( i stink! )

yelah,nak ajak gosip nih..
benci and tak paham lah dengan sikap setengah orang yang tak boleh tengok kesenangan orang lain...menyampah taw dengan orang pendengki macam ni!...

ada la seorang hamba Allah ni,dari dulu sampai sekarang takde identiti sendiri..kerja asyik nak ikot orang je..orang color kuku dia nak color..
orang punye barang pink,dia pun nak jugak...
orang beli handbag baru,dia pun nak jugak..
ishh...kesimpulannye dia ni asyik sibuk je lah...
kadang-kadang rimas..
if orang nak boyfriend camtu,dia pun nak boyfriend macam tu..
rasa macam dia ni pest tau!..
i wish i can just spray Ridsect...pssssssssssssstttttttttttttt!!..baru lah dia go away...

zaman kanak-kanak dulu mungkin lah aku tak kisah if semua barang aku ada kau pun nak ade..
tapi sekarang kita dah besar and aku pun dah bosan dengan perangai kau tu..
i bukannye rapat sangat pun dengan dia tapi i benci dengan perangai dia yang tak boleh langsung if i lebih daripada dia..
menyampah lah..!..
kesabaran ni dah memuncak..pasal tu lah i terpaksa luah kat sini..

i mean,just be original..be who you really are..
aku pun bukan lawa sangat..tapi perlulah orang macam kau tu sibuk nak copy-cat aku..
hello!...banyak okay barang aku yang sama dengan kau...cukuplah!..lepas aku beli,kau nak beli,lepas aku beli jee kau nak beli!..please laa!
taukey kedai cd cetak rompak pun lagi berdaulat dari kau yang macam orang kampung masok bandar tu..
dah la pakai baju pun ntah apa-apa...tak paham aku..
kadang-kadang accesories pun macam tok peraih...
dressing pun macam orang tua~...ishhhh...

ambik kau,sekarang i've spit it all out..
im bad,yes i am..but im bad and mad because u made me feel this way..
cukup-cukup lah dengki kau dengan aku tu..
tak perlulah post status yang macam-macam dekat facebook tu...

satu lagi perangai kau ni..
status kat facebook tu mesti nak gempak..
Ya Tuhan, dah la cara type message pun dah ikut style aku..
come on lah...get a life..
kau jangan hidup dengan drama yang semua orang suka kat engkau..
orang menyampah dengan kau ada lah...
pergi class pun macam nak pergi fashion show..

sorry lah ye..
Nasib lah siapa yang terasa..
Kau makan cili,mulut busuk kau tu lah yang pedas!..~

my SugarPlum friend!

2011-03-11T21:56:00.002+08:00

Hey sugarplum!
When I first met u…it was 2 and a half years ago..we were classmates. U were obviously very close to this one girl named S..i was of course with my closest friends since asasi..=)

Then, my friends started being close to u cuz u guys were classmates. And I kinda hate the picture with you being around. Im not snobbish but im the kind of girl who prefers a secure friendship. I don’t hate easily but I don’t accept strangers in my circle of friends easily as well. We became close..everywhere me and my friends go, ur gonna be there. And sooner the bond starts goin stronger. There was no longer ‘uncomfortable’ in my dictionary..theres only friendship.

Do u know that if I hated you, I might not even jump on ur bed or sneaked ur comforter out of your portable cupboard or maybe even sit with you in a car..
I just want u to know that I love u..
If youre at the hospital,or if you hurt your legs and even if its just a small cut, I would have tended u in every way a friend shall treat a friend..

Im happy now that at least I have a sugar plum-faced friend like you..eventhough I never get the chance to experience closeness with u, all in all, ur still one of my closest friend..its the thought that counts and it’s the thought that makes me happy..

The reason I wrote this is just to inform you, that I cant tell you all of this because its gonna be hard for me to speak since im a writing person. I write to express the emotional part of me..i don’t speak about frustration,happiness or solemness. I write about them.
There may be times when I utter words that sounded like I don’t like you around,
But don’t be offended..
There may be times when I just never text u at all like what my friends did,
But that doesn’t mean I don’t care..
Theres a time when I feel awkward with you around,
But now im totally over it..

In this life, theres only a few things that youre gonna bring to the grave..
Its ur sin,ur prayers,and the love of those whom you treasure the most..=)

on HiatuS.

2011-03-05T21:12:00.004+08:00

today is the 5th of march..=)
i woke up filled with shaky images on how yesterday was..
(trust me,it was boring..i did nothing..ermm...)
Hariz told me that we're gonna go shoe hunting today!..
well,at least that kinda put a smile on my face!
ye laa...nak pegi jenjalan..at least dapat jgk escape from hostel nih..fuh!!...

we arrived at Sunway at 12.30pm..
bestnye la pegi jalan2..nasib baik laa dia nak cari kasut.
well,at least we went there on purpose.Kalau tak jadi macam hari tu..

Hari tu,
which was a few weeks ago,we went to sunway with the intention nak tgk movie.
tapi macam ape je because tiada movie yang perlu ditonton.Nasib baik la queue tak panjang.so,in the end kami pergi arcade kat tepi movie tu and played games.
LUCKILY, we both shared the same interest with DAYTONA and games yang seangkatan dengannya.HAHAHAHA~...it was fun!...we raced together and we even argued on who drove better.cam siott je kan pakwe aku ni...mmg la dia pandai drive sebab aku memang takde lesen.
hey!...jangan gelak tau.walaupun aku takde lesen tapi aku menang..(ye ker?)..
alah..ye lah!..
So..apa kaitannye dengan today??

kaitannye di sini,
today,before we reached Sunway,he expressed his intentions on bringing me to the place where he lovesssss so damn much..
alah,area tepi sunway yang banyak workshop kereta tuh!..
he told me that he wanted to bring me there a long time ago because he loves to look at his favourite dream cars being modified there.
you see, my boyfriend suke kereta. dia suke kereta vroom2..and as a gf, i have to understand his interest and i have to adapt to it as well. its not wrong to respect other persons hobby.(other person la sgt..)
it makes our lives even more interesting to share it..<3..muahhhh!...

so lepas pegi beli his shoes ( 3 jam tau baru jumpe kasut idaman dia nih...ishhh...)
we went to that-car-area-beside-sunway...
alamak...cantiknyee la kereta-kereta di situ.
honestly, i used to hate cars and everything that comes in line with it.
engines?exhaust?GTR?GTI?SKYline?celica?subaru?eeeeeee...ape ntah!
i knew NOTHING about them.
im a girl who is so ignorant about all those stuff..
But with this man,he leads the way around.Explaining this car,that car,this engine,that engine...and..it feels great knowing bout it..
i can feel his passion and i kinda know how it felt like to see the car of your dream..

i saw mine just now..it was Nissan GT-R..wow!..
it was like love at the first sight.suddenly, i began to demolish my dreams to own BMW M5..
The truth is,i had a list on my mind about a car that i would certainly want to own one day...
1) BMW M5
2) Volkswagon Beetle
However, i found a new aim today..
it was indescribable on how jaw-dropping GTR is..
He told me its a complicated car with shitloads of buttons in it..LIKE i CARe bf!bluekk!..

Tapi tiba-tiba kene soal...'u suke sebab kereta tuh cantik ke ape?'
errk....kantoi di situ..memang kereta tu cantik pun...=(..

so, right now, i found a new list:
1) Nissan GT-R
2)BMW M5
3)Beetle

Wutever it is..its not wrong to dream..it makes u even better if you work hard to achieve that dream..=)

Syg,your white neo is great already..i will pray for you and hopefully one day you'll make it in owning your dream car...subaru imprezza or skyline..it doesnt matter..
cuz at least u can pick me up and send me anywhere...hahahahahahaaaaa~~..

Cantik kan?.....=)

so..ape lagi..LETS WORK HARD!..=)

Happy Birthday Moron!....

2011-03-01T13:55:00.008+08:00

yeayyy!!....

its my 22nd birthday..
today is the 1st of march..every year on the 1st of March i would be almost as excited as every other day of my entire life!..(ye lah,kepala otak aku kan masok air)..
hahaha!..

but this year,its kinda gloomy!...
mungkin sebab ade crisis yg melanda jiwa ni kot..
all in all, im happy and alhamdulillah that god has given me 22 years of great experience to breathe in His universe and i hope that i shall live to experience much more this life would bring..amin!...

yesterday night,
Harizz picked me up at 9pm..he said he wanted to see me kejap..well,knowing the fact that mesti dia nak ngadu something sbb i memang selalu jadi pendengar setia..hehehe..so i just said, OK!...

he came and we went to send his classmate back to seksyen 7 and we headed to the bank..(mmg hobi dia pun pg bank sbb selalu bwk keluar duet sikit2!..issshh..jimat sgt..)...
tapi u-turn je depan bank tuh..tak stop pon...i was like 'u said u wanna go to the bank?'...
he said 'ye la nak pg la ni'...
in my heart, i was mumbling alone..mane pulak la dia nak bwak aku ni..tibe2 belok masok kat SACC...pg parking bawah..

yela2..i buat2 ignorant n tnye 'owh kite nak pg bank kat sacc eh?'..
he didnt say much n said 'yeap'...
indeed we did go to SAcC punye ATM yg kat tepi GUess tuh...
pastu he pulled my hand and we headed to Secret Recipe..

Hampeh betuL!...nak bwk pg makan cake rupenyeee...kenape la tak bgtaw awal2..ececeh!!..hehehehhehe...
i ordered my slice n he ordered his...
he sang a short version of 'happy birthday' song and we both ate our cake..

it may have sounded so simple n lame...but to me,its the thought that counts..
i know that he's been so stressful over the assignments,tests,presentations and cases that he have to read..but....he still manage to squeeze that half an hour for me....

fuuhhh!...just wanna blow this tears away..im happy with whatever the sacrifices he's made..i know that he just wanna make me smile...

i love u GEMOK!!!!..hahahahahah!...( im so evil )...
ishh...

Enjoy every moment of your life while it last....
even if its temporary, at least you know that its all worth it...=)

..to my heart and my eyes..cuz without them i cant live..

2011-02-26T19:30:00.002+08:00

our mother used to speak with the most great tone when it comes to reminding us about our friendship.

'elok-elok cari kawan tu' or 'jgn kwn dgn orang-orang jahat' or 'keluar dgn kawan2 yang elok sikit ye'...

u can have plenty of friends but only few will remain close to your hearts. i lost so many friends since my school days. they didnt die but we just grew apart because we're different and all of us went our separate ways.when u go to university,u met new circle of friends and within that maturity state of mind u found new clique and things just became better. u eat with them,u sleep with them and u shared everything with them.

we cant be too sure of everything that is in present because most of them will just shatter into pieces and once it did, ur gonna cry urself to sleep every night..

If i die tomorrow,
i just want my friends to read this...

i dont care how rich u are or how poor u will be.i dont mind sharing foods and loaning money. i always forgive whenever there is a mistake. and i never hate unless there is specific reason why i have to.
Remember when u fell from the table and you hit yourself hard on the floor?..i was the one who cradled you cuz im scared u might hurt ur head..
Remember when u cried bout ur parent's problem?..i comforted u all the time in night and also in day..and when u were crazy bout popularity, i was the only one willing to skip my class just so that u get ur dream for a silly photoshoot...
And when u wanted to eat korean and no one else wanted to follow, i cancelled my date just to accompany you...maybe u didnt remember but i do..
Even if you ruined my relationship and invaded my personal matters, of course i will always hate u. But even when i said i hate u, im still there for u when u face ur break ups. i still advised u bout ur problems even until late in the morning. it means i still care about u. there was never a day that I despised those memories.

and u....we used to be so close like petals and leaves. there were no secrets. when u found out bout my secret, u started hating me as if im not human. u started being judgmental. u started being different. i still remember when u cried about ur cousin's death. i tried my very best to make the best stupidest jokes. its not that im heartless but i have to be one to make u smile. when u wanted something and u said u had no money, i volunteered in advance so that u can buy what u want. u refused cuz i know u hate troubling people. whenever i feel bad about some things, u were always there to listen. but not anymore. remember when u cried when u were so mad that somebody flirted with your bf.i was there to listen and thats when i gave my opinion on how to make things better for us. there used to be days that we laughed and watched movies but its hopeless now. ur gone. n i cant catch you. Its just how I feel.

you there...i was scared of you..i hated you cuz i thought that you were really scary..u were fierced and youre always loud. But we became close friends. Your maturity brought me to my senses. When I am spoiled,u told me to be wise. When u were down I tried to put that smile on your face. When I have issues, sometimes I think its best to look for you first, cuz u were always the best about giving advice. When im hungry, I used to find you. I remember those late nights talks and those times in cars when we used to laughed a lot. I miss all of them. I wanted to be there for you in everyway I could…I death of a family…in family matters..even when im busy, ur still a friend..and I will always keep that in mind..

to my cute friend…thank u…theres a lot of things that I would like to thank you.u were there when I nearly gave up in life,in everything im about to be..u came all the way to comfort me..u were the one willing to help in every way you could. Even when u said things ur not suppose to say I still feel that you don’t mean it. Im lost of words and I became numb. And all the time when I feel bad about myself, I know that u would listen even when u don’t have the ability to help much..but u understood me.

Sayangss….
I may be busy..i may have a boyfriend now. But I never hate. And I never despised. When I don’t smile, it doesn’t mean I hate u..it means im not in the mood. I hate arguments. As we grow older, its not about who says hi to who first. But its about who wants to give and take.
I made it loud and clear weeks ago that something is goin on with us. But nobody takes the choice of discussing things. Everyone kept to their own if there is something. What hurts the most is when I used to be close to you, but when im busy, u think that im forgetting you. Do I have to reach out to you all the time?..to eat?..to go out?..
If I don’t care, why do u think I cry…..
I don’t know what the problem is..even I cant tell..but im sorry if my busyness makes me lose my friends.
If my status offended people. Im sorry. Because that is just how I feel.
I don’t end friendship easily…and I don’t accept friendship easily either. That is why I didn’t mention a friend in here.
Forgive me. Hate me as u wish..but I feel so sad…so sad that I cant look up to see the sky. That is how much im hurt..
Im tired.i gave up.im sorry.

..an open letter for u 'LILY'..

2011-02-26T02:26:00.003+08:00

hello LILY,..

most of u may wonder who is lily.
well,lily is the person who commented on my entry that is titled 'to the most shit faced coward ever...eeuuuw..'
anyone who is reading this, i hope u can read the comments posted by Lily caused it seems like Lily has something to say to me..so here is a letter for her..

dear lily, im sorry for the late reply.many months from now if youre reading(which i pray to god that u would) i just want u to know that i dont care whatever your opinion is because i dont need it.

as far as im concerned,i did not insult directly a person's parent and as far as i particularly regard that post to,i did not even mention the bloke's name.therefore, insulting in general is made without specifically referring to anybody.

and why are you so concern anyway?..are you the bitch?..or are you the friend of the bitch that has made you so busy-body upon lurking into people's business.

DO NOT criticize me being a law student just because i expressed my anger in a blog. and DO NOT tell me about following rules as if its at the tip of your fingers.This had nothing to do with me being a law student. Am i not human to have anger to express..Blogging in general is where thoughts,stories and opinions are expressed.Im pretty well sure everyone else know this except YOU.

and talking about respect.here's what u should know..i was thought to respect people who learn to RESPECT each other. but someone treated me like a trash, i will therefore not sit down like a bloody puppy who is wounded. because i will definitely fight back. and FYI, at least my mother never thought me to HURT other people's feeling. and at least, i have the decency to post it in my blog instead of spreading it all over the social network.

NEXT TIME, if you think you would wanna defend somebody, think twice over whom youre going against. as i said earlier, being a law student does not necessarily mean that u have to abid the rules 24/7. Even the worlds greatest judge may have skipped rules once or twice.

And please, dont be so "kampung" and "menggelabah"..all in all,my blog is my space on where i spit my thoughts.WHO r u to judge me by what i have written. Even the constitution grants me the freedom to express. As long as i dont impose threat on national security and as long as i dont defame people,i guess im in the right track..

Owh ya...on the other hand, i nak cakap...PAKU DULANG PAKU SERPIH,MENGATA ORANG DIRI SENDIRI YANG LEBIH..
Jangan tegur pasal adab saya sedangkan awak dengan terang lagi bersuluh pun turut memaki saya dalam comment awak. So, jangan cakap pasal respect, cuz you yourself dont have any for people. Dahla tegur org pasal adab, tapi diri sendiri memaki pulak tuh.
CERMIN sikit diri tu dulu lain kali...Kalau ye pun awak tu konon-konon beradab,tegur la baik-baik..

i was thought to defend what i think is right as long as its in line with logic and conscience.
enough said.
Im sorry if someone as lost as you found my blog.
So GET LOST cuz ur opinion is not needed.

..Fairytale..

2010-11-11T15:30:00.003+08:00

my english arent perfect.they stumble,they run,they just dont stay being correct all the time..i have a gift,maybe its my slang that shows i can speak but im not that proficient..im not hot,im not pretty..my boobs are big n they tend to speak out for themselves..im fat with my belly being massively big that i can squeeze 90 thumbelina's in them..=)..

what rights do i have to discriminate and to hate?..here's my story...

Once upon a time..there was this girl who hates to fall in love. she just wants to be alone because she was hurt once and that hurt has granted her a sufficient wound to last for an eternity..

somewhere in the lands of neverending happiness lived a prince whose family consist of four members.a mom who is a queen and rides a black horse, a father whose work is to design beautiful roman sculpture and a brother who can draw almost everything,the prince's name was Harith.

This girl's name was Lizzy...lizzy is this determined girl who knew nothing but to hurt the man she loves. her past relationship with other prince's all ended up in disgrace. she never knew what went wrong...
Upon entering a local university in her country,she stumbled upon Harith who was at that time broken hearted over his previous relationship with an Arabian princess..

It wasnt love at the first instance,because Lizzy dont feel anything for Harith. Absorbed by her sudden chatty features,they cultivate a close but with boundaries relationship..there was smoke signal and letters catered by beautiful owls and dove..but it stopped...

Love isnt something you can force.if u knew u cant proceed then u should just stop..dont rush and dont speed..let it go with the rhythm..just like music...u dont rush music but u listen and then u follow...our hearts dont lie but its speaks the truth...
Lizzy grew up in an environment that didnt really show much of happy relationship..her mother struggled to raise her and her siblings with not much of an income..but still lizzy gets all those things she wanted..even not all but its enough to put a smile on her face..

Years passed...one fine day,a dove came and along with it was a message from a person whom had dissapeared from Lizzy's life quite sometime...it was Harith..he came bearing news of himself and also asking how Lizzy was...they exchaged letters for quite sometime..

Lizzy hated Harith for being around. she just want him gone because she was not ready for any relationship. she refused to proceed with Harith as she dont want to continue what that is considered blunt and dull relationship...
But Harith never gave up..he never did once gave up..he proceed and proceed..he was there when lizzy had an emotional breakdown because of her parent's big war that destroyed her kingdom...he was there to support her when she felt like her life is over after she was left like a poverty stricken refugee by her ex-fiancee...Harith was there when she felt stress because she had to inherit the kingdom her father left her called Losocapian..he was there all along..

'How can a heart as cold as stone became as soft as feather just by the existence of this thing called love'..that was what Lizzy thought..she was uncertain with her heart..
if love is all about giving chances...she decided that this time its not about giving chances,its about what she wants...
she wants a family of her own...she wants happiness and not fake happiness...
she wants to find a husband..someone to care for..to understood her and to be strong for her..even if it means to throw her heels and ipod,even if it involves the disposition of her handbags and pumps...she wont mind...its what inside that counts..its his heart that she wants..she hates pain(everyone does)...she hates hypocritsy..

in his white horse carriage...he proposed to her under those short moonlight...in the carriage she asked herself for the last time...will she be happy?...it came to her,it doesnt matter chocolate or milk...butter or jam...black or white...if he makes her happy..then,why not...she fell in love again..with a fresh start,it was roses and fairytale that filled her heart....

upon writing this on a piece of papyrus paper coated with ink coming from a feather pen...Lizzy cried..this time it wasnt the tears of sadness...it was happiness...

lead the way boyfriend,
im always with u...

the Softest part of me..

2010-10-17T14:23:00.002+08:00

Today is 17th October 2010..
i was vey busy this few weeks..i dont even have time for myself..and when i became so busy i just failed to realise how great it is to have a day without doin anything..

i changed a lot..
it seems juSt like yesterday when i was that little girl with the ribbon scarf on her head and moving about with cuteness..
now i think im no longer that girl..eventhough she still exist but its hard to call her back..she just refuse to come out...

i have one whole year ahead of me to finish my degree and to fulfill my job as a leader to a mini kingdon called Law Society..i learned to be stern and to control myself and to always think about others..

i hope that im professional in doing my work because i dun want people to think i mix personal problems and work..i never did such thing..
i can segregate my mind well enough to differentiate which is which..
its just that sometimes,being normal u just cant deny mistakes..

recently,i did hurt a few people's feeling..i hurt a person who wantd so much to be a part of something and i rejected a few persons who also wanted so much to join 'this thing'..and i warned somebody earlier that i may not have a relationship..
let me be who i want to be..
let the faith led me to what type of person i will be when im big...
for now...
i build up a wall that says;
i refuse to be in love..
i refuse to have a relationship...
i just wanna work..
but nonetheless,...i welcome those who seek to destroy this wall...
..THIS IS THE HEART OF LESLIE AIDA SULTAN..

on being a 'leader'..

2010-10-09T17:58:00.004+08:00

Dear Blog,
Today is the 9th October 2010..
Today is the second half of a new day that i spent being a 'leader'..
3 weeks ago i decided to get myself involved in running for election as the President of Law Society 2010/2011..
i never thought that i would be so serious in getting involved with all of this..
i became a part of law society a year ago when i joined this club to gain some experience. but my interest grew wider because i love doing all this job especially when i became the Program Director for No Wine and Cheese Party 2010..i am a person who is so easily absorbed into doing something for the benefit of so many people..i dont care if i dont eat, at least others can eat..
I submitted my form to mimi...it was scary...i went through a scary interview as well cuz i had to face the Hi Comms..
And when its time for the campaign,i only photocopied 130 posters..there were many obstacles that i had to face..some people doubted my credibility..some even questioned whether could a girl like me really do work?..am i responsible enough..?..am i easily distracted?..

Theres a lot of question bugging me as well..i became so nervous that i just wanted to cry..but i cant..i told myself that i cant be a fool..i can do this..why should i give up when this is just the beginning?..so i proceed with everything i have...i texted my friends and seek for their help to brainstorm how to work the campaign..

yesterday was the verdict,i got the highest vote among the candidates..i am the new President of Law Society 2010/2011..

Talking about respect, i adore the previous president. He did such a great job.he's a calm person at handling matters. He weighed issues properly before making a decision..my seniors were great..we were like families..
however,now that Law Society is really with me, i just wanna do a great job..
i will continue the hard works that my seniors had willingly wasted their valuable time into.

i will...=)

always...

2010-09-17T20:59:00.003+08:00

im back in shah alam...i kinda miss home actually..=)
isshhh...baru je smpai n terus rindu rumah..apelaa aida nih...
dear blog,
i miss typing stuff and filling you with sad stories..teruknyee!
i should win an award for the most 'absolute loser in love and blogging'...
alaa....raya boring sikit sebab kakak tak balik..
then,tot raya ni can celebrate with mok but he's D.e.a.D...
i got shitloads of assignment to finish..believe it or not pg beraya pun i angkut jugak my notes..=P
Theres a lot of family stuff happening recently and im trying my best to cope with it..its tuff u noe but at least i gotta be strong..i tried not to merge personal probs with study...
its difficult at first but i know i just gotta do it...or else i might go berserk!..

this experience in life made me think wisely before making any decision...
i grew stronger to be a woman..i dont want to be someone who is all about fun and style..i wanna be a person who is everything that can complete a man's life,a mother's hope and....etc..=)..

sy tidak suka diperbodohkan...
sy benci kesedihan...
sy simpati dgn kemiskinan...
setiap pengalaman will eventually develop our mind to be stronger..
kesusahan itu cabaran...=)

Thank you syg....

2010-09-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

Sy dah bosan nak berjiwang…isn’t it a waste of time…
Short and simple…
Terima kasih kerana sakitkan hati sy….
Terima kasih kerana ’layanan istimewa awk’...
Sy gembira sekali sbb dah seminggu tak jumpe,bile jupe td awk lyn sy dgn ’baik’..=)
Thank u...
Baru seminggu tak jupe,terus tak phm english...
Thanks…
Baru seminggu n terus lupe sy…
Bila awk anta msg ckp yg awk rindu dia…awk rindu keadaan awk mcm dulu dgn dia..
Ok..sy paham…sy hanya tempat awk tumpang lepas ‘rindu’ awk sbb awk da lame tak mcm tu dgn dia…
Thanx lah…
Terima kasih utk segalanya….
Patotlah td tak sabar nak blk…biasanya lepak lama2 pun takpe…
Hurmm…..ade destinasi lain rupenye bila sampai rumah..
Yelah...ade rumah kedua kan...
Thanks again.......
Ampun maaf....
Sy tak dpt jd gf yg baik utk awk...
Sy tak dpt provide shelter utk awk…
Sy kan gf yg selalu buat bende awk tak suke….
Thank u…..
Pergilah…
Awk selfish…sy suruh awk lepaskan sy,tp awk x nk…
..awk kate td nk jd adil?...
….adil ke?...Jangan sesekali salahkn kwn sy sbb kite jd mcm ni..
Sebab....kalau tak kerana dia,sy tak tahu pun yang awk akan treat sy mcm anjing mcm ni....
Owh..semalam sy off fon...n ble sy bukak 2 miscal je dr awk..
Hahahaha….sakitnye hati….biasanyee berpuluh-puluh miscall dah sy terima..msg mesti da belambak…
Okay…ye lah tu…kene sedar diri lah yg ko ni dah dibuang leslie oii!...
Seminggu je kan….sekejap je manusia dah berubah…
Takpe…tak hairan lah sebab manusia mcm awk ni mmg menyakitkan hati…

Thanks ye....kau boleh blah!!!...

to the MOST shit-faced COWARD everrr.....euwww!

2010-08-29T21:01:00.001+08:00

Fuck u fucker for being a loser...u own such a stupid face to treat people like thrash..realize it or not you are HEARTLESS!..dont give a girl fucking lousy excuses when u urself is jock...i dont think people like you deserve to live in this world!...
FUCK U FUCKER!....
i was very nice but anger battered me this very instance!...
you dont fuckin deserve to live in this world!!!....
u and ur bitch is nothin but a mess in my head!...dont hurt a girl's feeling..i guess u dont have a mother and sister at home to treat them nicely...i guess ur mother raised u wrong that when u grow up all u know is to thrash someone when they are not wanted...
mark my cute lips : FUCK U!!!...

you and your drums could die!...you and your bitch can fuck each other in hell!...
why waste your tears leslie?...why be a fool leslie?...
why?......
just a week ago u were great!...full of love for me!...u couldnt even live without me!...u were crying to be with me!...
and suddenly....
im a nobody in your life!...wasted,thrown....and pestered!....
Fuck u!.....
dont use a reason that my friend did this to our relationship!...
DONT FUCKIN USE THIS LOUSY EXCUSE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!
ur with me!not with my bestfriend!!!!
to hell if they interfere!...
ur just a coward bastard who is afraid to face loneliness!...
all u ever think about is yourself!....
you are inconsiderate!
youre a fuckable bastard who deserves only bitches in his life!!..
and whats more.....ur stupid and un-educated!

somewhere in that small penis-size heart of urs..
i hope u understand why i wrote all this...
ask urself...am i worth for all this pain just by being with you?.....

regardless what ur answers will be,i hope one day u rot in hell...
i hope that when i drive a BMW,all u ever own is ur stupid old scooter!...
i wish that when that time comes,all u ever feel is regret!...
and all i ever need to feel is SATISFACTION!!....

hey MR President!!

2010-08-29T02:33:00.002+08:00

yoohooooo!...
im goin bonkers just by staying in college doin blahblahblah...
guess wat?
i know im a loser to always fail in my love life...
am i not that pretty?..
or..is it that i always end up in a mess...
btw,wtf!...like i care...
recently i did lotsa cool stuff...
hurrmmmm...lets see..i sleep...stuffed my ears with depressing songs..
i dont eat..i drank water...i bathe..hahahahaha!..

why cranky all of a sudden leslie?...
i wanna be like Alice in Wonderland..so i could be Aida in Wonderland..
cool huh?...
i wanna be able to fight monsters and run all over town with cranky but expensive designer dresses(just like Alice!!)
i wanna be able to feel free and independent..
not just that,i wanna be able to ride ships and board away just to sail away from all this foolish trouble...

on second thought...
Alice is no fun...
i wanna be like the President!..
i wanna be like Barrack Obama...he is in fact no doubt one of the most influential man in the world..
i wanna be like him..so that i can impose changes like what he did...
i wanna make history just like what he did...
i wanted to feel the busyness in life and to not even have time to think about sadness!....
Mr President...
i adore you...but nobody is perfect...
hey...hahahahah!...

i wanna be a bird..
i wanna fly...
but i'll eventually die fast if im a bird..awwwwww....
lets be a dinosaur!...
i'll be an epic...i'll be quoted in Jurassic Park the 7th(if theres any lahh..)
hahahaha.....

owhowhowh!..
i wanna be Paris hilton lah...
she's hot...
she's fun...
but she's all human...=)...
okay2...
i wanna be ivanka trump!..
way better!...
she owns a jewelery line!
awesome!...and she's the daughter of DONALD TRUMP!..
wayta go leslie!!!....
so,then ivanka it is....
erkkkk.....
aishh...twisted dah....diam je lahh..
---------------------N------------------------

Lelaki dan Perempuan...

2010-08-28T21:28:00.001+08:00

Lelaki….

I don’t expect u to be great at all times;

To have a heart like a lion…

To own a big house like the President..

To drive big cars like a millionaire…

To wear expensive clothes like a superstar…

To be clever like Albert Einstein…

To play music like Vigil Donatti…

Lelaki….

I just expect you;

To treat a woman nicely,

To love her as truthfully,

To be with her in pain and in agony,

To be her light when her world turns muddy,

To held her closely when she feels lonely,

To be responsible to her when she’s all bloody…..

Lelaki….

What a girl wants is…

Someone who will place her face on his phone...

Someone who would call a million times to tell her that he misses her…

Someone who will react to her every word…

Someone who pays attention...

Someone who thinks about her instead of himself…

Someone who will always be there when she needs him…

Someone who is honest…

Someone who cares about what she feels…

Someone who didn’t hide about their relationship…

Someone who holds her hand even in public…

Someone who ignores what others think…

Someone who would tell her that it’s okay to look pretty…

Someone who would keep her messages in his phone...

Someone to talk to...

Someone who is all hers because she minds sharing…

Someone who would tell her not to leave even when she’s leaving….

Someone who would entirely mean every word that he told her…

Someone who keeps his promises…

Someone who will not flirt behind her back…

Someone who would even die just to protect her…

Someone who would correct her if she is wrong…

Someone who will never ignore her existence in crowd…

Someone who is proud to be with her even if she is fat…

Someone who is not entirely but maybe half of the someone above….=)

Because a PEREMPUAN…

Is always a men’s reality…

She never fails to be entirely devoted to him…

Because a PEREMPUAN…

Is made from lelaki…...

...adler...lanser...donatti...cohen...=)

2010-08-28T16:39:00.004+08:00

Ku hidup dengan siapa...
Ku tak tahu kau siapa..
Kau kekasihku..
tapi orang lain bagiku...
Kau dengan dirimu saja...
Kau dengan duniamu sahaja...
Teruskanlah...teruskanlah....
Kau begitu......

this is a song by Agnes Monica-Teruskanlah.....

I had a massive argument with my friend...my bestfriend actually...
im not proud of myself over what happen but it is her who call off the friendship..
it was my mistake to do something and she thinks that its her job to stand correcting those wrongs that i did..
She did not realise that i chose to pick the left wing in life..i dont stand to be corrected...she thinks that those things she did are those stuff that bestfriends should do to protect a friend...
With due respect,
i dont like her to interfere with my personal life..i believe in my rights to exercise my freedom to chose any who or how i shall love...as a friend she should stood by me and point but not do the works for me...
i ost my boyfriend because of her...
i am angry...but i have no right to be so angry..after all,she is not my bestfriend anymore...
if this is the best way how she wanted the flow of friendship to be,then i shall be obliged to obey her wants..

Drummer,
i met u six years ago...i love u back then...
but i couldnt reach you...because u have someone...
then i moved school....i found my peace...
3 bulan lepas...saya jumpe awk kembali...
awk dah berpunye...again sy kecewa...
bukan salah saya utk jatuh cinta...
salahkah sy kerana syg awk?...
i fell in love with u....
u called me ur girlfriend...
even at the same time u have her,..but this time i dont care if u have her...
sy teruskan relationship sy dgn awk...
pahit,kelat semua sy telan....
saya bahagi hati saya utk terima all the pains that u give...
sy paham awk pun terpaksa bahagi hati awk...
menangis sy utk terima kenyataan ni....
.....
utk dia yg tidak berkaitan...
sy kagum dgn awk....
walaupun awk takkan tahu sy tujukan ini utk awk tapi fahamlah,
sy bukan hanyut kerana bodoh utk cintakan dia...
tapi sy jatuh sebab sy pernah cinta dia...
dan bukan salah sy utk cinta dia sebanyak ini...
maafkan sy menjadi org ketiga...
maafkan sy kerana mencuri....
kini sy sedar...
that i cant be like you...
i cant be the person he sees just as how he sees you....
so i backed off now...
he's all yours.....
........

Drummer....
Memories we had together just burnt to ashes..
dont blame mybestfriend....
she thinks she's doing the right thing even if u guys hated it...
i love you....
so much...
that i have sacrificed everything for u....
u promised me that we should have a relationship until we die...
last time,i agreed....
but now...
i despise those memories...
im angry because u cant choose what u want and who u want it to be with...
recently,
bile kite argue...
bile sy decide utk pergi...
bile sy decide utk hilang dari awk....
awk akur....
awk diam...
awk tak halang....
siapa sy dimata awk selama ini?...
sekejap shj awk dah lupa sy.......
and sy realise.....awk masih ada dia....
so skrg...awk pergilah dekat dia....

its painful to fall in love...
it hurts so much just to be happy...

-Bye Mokmok sy....-
(smpi mati pun sy cinta awk...)

My Drummer..

2010-08-26T17:24:00.000+08:00

i lost u lah...
i lost u....
i miss u...
i miss u lah....
Oh Tuhan....

ape Pulak lah?...

2010-06-10T01:06:00.004+08:00

Sakitnyee...
Kene nangiss..rase sedeyy...
si BusoK tue sengaL..dye SeweL..
dia cacat...
but i love him....

saje nak borak2 here..pernah rase sakit tak bila kita syg someone tapi orang tue dah berpunye..we dont hate that person for having someone special before bumping into us..but it hurts when that person gave us hope...as if his heart is ours...call us 'syg'..tell u he misses u...he needs u and what not..it surely felt like you've been betrayed...
your whole love life is messed up..i know people said that its just a girlfriend.Even org kawin pun boley cerai...hahaha...
but im not that evil and bitchy...my mother didnt raise me up to be someone ungrateful to destroy people's relationship...
im jealous...im irritated..im angry..this is how i feel...i feel that im sick of enjoying such game and hoping for someone who will never be yours...
Murah sgt ke?....
Tamak...semua sama je....mmg tamak...
ape nilai diri i?....

Si busokk tue..
sayang saya ke?...atau 'rasa' je...
saya sakit...
mesti awak tak paham kan?...
=)

Confessions of a Kampung Girl II...

2010-06-09T19:17:00.002+08:00

Have u ever experience the feeling of 'wouldnt it be great if im a billionaire?'...
hahahaaa....
well,those feelings are great cuz i had them every once in a while..especially when i had a bucket full of dirty clothes,an empty stomach with only RM5 in my purse,and this legs to walk all the way from hostel to class...
I never experienced the joyful moment of sitting at the back of a luxury car and muster some really fashionable outfit for daily use...
Lets see...
Sometimes we dreamt of something that is too remote...
something that we know we're never gonna get it for freee....
i agree that everything needs a hard work but i cant stop asking myself...
'will i get what i really want'?...
Pious people or logical people would say...'InsyaAllah'..
Those with illustrious mind and dis-figurative ideas would opt for '..DO watever it Takes!'..
i will just tell myself...'never give up...think of mummy and god...'

God answers ur prayers in 3 ways..
he said yes..n gives u what u want...
he said wait..n gives u something better...
n...
he said no..but gives u something a lot better..
=))

Lah....laaaa...oh la laaa...

2010-06-09T15:05:00.003+08:00

as usual,when i dont have the time i use to forget things that i love doing.Like writing and reading.Its been 5 month since i last saw mummy..dah lama tak balik..banyak kerja lah..ye ke?
betoLL..hurmm..
macam da tua je sbb busy...
eh..biaselaa...buat2 busy..=))

Things that happened previously...:
1) broke up...=(((
2)Tired..
3)I was the Program Director for No Wine and Cheese Party 2010 organised by Law Society UiTM
-the party was fun..the theme was "party like a rockstar"..we had band performances and etc..
it seriously looked like a gig..huhuuuuu....
4)Stopped debating..woww!
5)Acted in my French Drama..i wrote the script..it was a horror Fling!..weeeeeeee~
6)Went jogging after 1 year of not doing so...
7)found an old friend...hahahaha!..
8)permanently became stupid for not updating myself with current issues...
9)..Promised to be a bitch..
10)lost appetite for 2 whole weeks...tapi still gemok!!hahaha...

Bluekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

From brassband to reading..

2010-06-09T14:55:00.004+08:00

Few years ago..8 years ago actually..i was schooling in MgSS Kuantan..funny how i used to be short and petite..i played snare and bass..sometimes i held flags..i tried trumpet but it aint my thing..hahahaha!..i even borrowed the sticks to practice at home..well recently during the semester break (june 2010)..i spent a hell lotsa time at the music studio since i joined the Gamelan Group.FUN!..there was another studio at the back and i started to bang those drums again..first those drums were scattered on the floor..i took the guts in fixing it and attaching it back until it looks like a drum set and voila!...i made it..i started sitting there whenever i had the chance and i would really love to hit and and played old school marching songs..i did the drum solos,the marching songs and even played like i knoe how to play even though i was ignorant...then it was time to say goodbye to those drum sets...Gamelan was over..
The feeling of hitting the snares and making myself lost in recognizable beat is really fun..i guess i just found my old hobby again..=)))

However i will always remember that mummy is waiting for me at home to bring her that scroll with a Degree in Law...i Love u mummy...i'll bring that for u..so..read..read...readdd Lesliee...

stop questioning...stupid..!

2009-11-24T11:26:00.002+08:00

this is so silly...what is?..
well..this life seems to be in a meticulous state of desperate happiness..
i guess this is what people say about me..
here's my story..
yea...some people questioned, why is it that i fell in love too soon..
they seem to think that i easily forget someone and easily bring some guy into my life..
well..thats not true..(in a defending tone)..
someone screwed my life..i couldnt eat..i could sleep well..and i kept crying..
is it still a bloody scene that i finally found the strength to fall in love with someone elsee in order to shift all those pain away...

i didnt ask for this lovey dovey feeling to come..its just that my bf now came when i felt disturbed..its not a matter of how fast i love someone...because what matters the most to me is that as long as im happy and as long as i know he's not a jerk...im glad to have him...

dont think or act like you're better than me...because with such negative, and repulsive thought..you are nevertheless a dorky jerk to judge me that way...

well..my rage is getting better now..at least i get to post it in this pages..
anyway...i've talked about fatness last time...i think i wanna talk about my weight again today..
gosh..i dug my cupboard just now..and i found my old t-shirt..it looked so big and i thought that i cant use it cuz it would probably fit loose on my body...but i decided to put it on anyway..
and....owh my god... what a shock...
IT wont FIT me!!!.....
god....im so sad...what seems to be big last time..turns out to be smaller this time..=((
so..this holiday..i went for yoga..=))

LetS cRasH....(0.0)

2009-09-25T02:19:00.003+08:00

have u ever watch how children juz suddenly grow infront of ur eyes...
well.....i guess i starting to feel a lil bit old already...i have 2 nieces..marissa n elena..i love them so much...sometimes because of evolving around them too often...i felt this sudden calmness to evaluate such tendency towards children...they would snuggle near me...gave me a loving kiss and not to forget the unexpected high rate of temper....these children brought up the loving woman in me....'aida,i want susu'....n there i go making her that milk in the pink elephant bottle....'aida, sha nak wee-wee'....n there i was holding her tight when she was seated on the sitting toilet pot...'aida,..ana hungry..want aggy..'...n there i was in the kitchen cooking maggy for them.....

i wonder sometimes why kids always say the stupidest things.....

1)...aida,..sha nak makan 'cakang'....=i noe she meant 'kacang'...
2)..bapak,my buku 'patah'...=we all knew she meant 'koyak'..
and then...this is how elena sang 'twinkle-twinkle little star'......

'tinkle-tinkle-tinkle star..
howwonder what u r'
balahu nokmsdennau dada
like a damend baba sky...
tinkle-tinkle-tinkle star...'

owh god.....i love them..=))

from SHIT with love...

2009-09-16T11:24:00.002+08:00

ai yai yai.....dats wat alfalfa from Power Rangers would say whenever he's lost..i mean lumpy..a.k.a..'lambat pickup'...hahahaha..
recently i spend shitloads of time with my girlfriends..its fun to know them...we joined mooting together..and even hang out until late in the morning together...
its good to have such a close relationship with friends...when i dont have the cash..they always lend me some..and vice versa.sometimes,..my heart just wants to cry.bcuz i may not know how long such friendship can last..all i can do is just to treasure every moment that passed by with it....
MIEN n FARA...
u guys have always been the best sisters to me...in pain and in agony plus revenge,u guys always stood by me..sometimes u people annoy me with your sarcasm and pure condemn..but im aware that it all derives out of love..i still remember when u guys got very mad cuz i wanna overnite with bobo along with sahur...all of it juz ran close to my heart on how much u guys are concern over me..rite now watching mien sleeping in front me juz make me wanna spank her cuz of all the laughter she brings to me...hahaha!...this woman is crazy i tell u...:))
fara is that calm person who never shows her wildness...NOT!!!...she is not that soft u noe...gosh...whenever she's around...my whole world will tremble..cuz she likes to condemn every inch of a lousy opinion that came outta my mouth...hahahaha!...that is fara...n guess what...she is so cheeky once u get to know her....if mien is the dinosaur..then fara is the wife of that dinosaur..this two people are like T-Rex...juz let them into ur house and they will make u mengekek like org gila....
belum campur WAWI n QIENA lg....
this two pulak is like the grandma n grandpa to the dinosaurs mentioned above...
wawi owned a proton Juara and she always carry us in it..the prob is..we never sit still in that car!..theres always laughter and FART-IN-THE-CAR-JOKES...gosh!..what an embarassment!....qiena...gosh..this girl is that petite one...even wawi's locker is taller than her....(what is spit or written in this blog has nothing to do with the living or the dead-disclaimer)....hahahaha!...
All im trying to say is.....i have the worlds coolest friends..we have a complete family of dinosaurs....with me being the baby dinosaur..ngeeeeeeeeeeeee......

-habis la aku pasni kene belasah ngn bdk 4 ekor tue-

Dear God....

2009-07-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

Dear god…
The only thing I ask is for you to hold him when im not around when im much too far away….
Its more than a month since we broke up…anniversary just passed by like a cloud doing its shift…
I looked at today just like I looked at everything else every other day..slightly a little bit different…because I have to bare some pain alone…
A few weeks after the semester starts,my friend…awie ramane, lost her boyfriend..she didn’t ask for it but he did…I saw how she cried and cried and listened to how she felt…its not about how I wanted so much to help…its just that I felt like im hopeless because theres nothing I can do….it bit me to see her cry just as how it bit me when he walked away…
I knew and I understand how she felt…its like your inside is jumping and rummaging as if something is wrong…your chest just go up and down with the desire to burst out!... all I can do at this very moment is just..smile…
Some guys can just act normal after they dumped their girlfriend. They can just pretend nothing happened. They didn’t even text. They didn’t even bother to say sorry. They didn’t even care to send even a ‘hi’..or a ‘hallo’….be it through global network or even handphone’s…They didn’t even bother that we are actually waiting for that one msg or that one call. Some people are born to be different. As for me, I always wanted to be remembered even if im no longer with him…why cant we just be friends?..why cant we act normal??....whats so hard about that…
I’ve been a total jackass to fall for someone who gave me hope in the first place..then he just smashed it like it’s a bloody old glass that’s not useful anymore..
I hate fights and arguing…this is who I am..whenver I made a mistake I tend to find a way and ask for forgiveness….but if love prevails..i may beg him to come back even if he decided to leave…
Aizat..u must have been proud that your name is pestered inside my page.i just wanted you to know that im happy if youre happy. I sulk at first when I read the comments from other person in ur myspace. But I don’t care and I kept telling myself you love me and its just that it didn’t work out between us. I hope that if u read this you can just text me..even its just only to say hi…cuz it will mean a lot to me...
Just as how it meant a lot to you when I accepted you into my life…

on the floor..everywhere...

2009-07-12T11:56:00.002+08:00

hye!..dear blog..sorry..i was so busy the past weeks to even type anything in here..
im back in uitm...gosh...as usual..very tiring and frustrating...well...firstly.im all excited this semester because nina n awie is in s.alam...hahahaha!..we had shitloads of fun the first week..at the same time we faced a lot of hardworks..i hurt my ankle because me and mien,we had to circle 360 degrees in uitm to settle our JPA scholarship..not fun!!!...totally not fun!!...i had to walk okay!..so now i regret not having any license yet!...
and then..i kinda miss kakak's house..well...rite now i spend a lot of time at her house so basically.this is like my second home...
owh my god....the frustrating part is that my French class starts at 6pm until 8pm...whooaaaa!!...
another frustrating part is......theres rumours bout me being kicked out of my former school MGSS!...thats crap!...thats shitloads of crap!...i was not kicked out of school..my mother transferred me to anor school because i have issues in that school.....i mixed with the wrong companies...but heyy....its not 'buang sekolah laa bodooo!!'.....if i was kicked out of school...i might not be where i am now...
just forget it..my sister said....'ignore the fools,cuz if u dont..u'll be one'...
hehehehehe.....
AIZAT!!!!!!!!!!!!...thanx a lot...because of u...my friends told me that i looked slimmer then last semester...(due to broken heartedness)..thanx guys!!..great compliment...huhuuu....
this semester, i joined debate....wish me luck!!......

..today..

2009-07-03T00:31:00.002+08:00

..today..among any other days of my life..
i managed to do sumthing which i felt so proud of doing...
i deleted Aizat's photo from my blog..i deleted his messages in my phone..
i deleted his photos in my phone..and..i felt relieved...
i hope he knows that i still love him...but now i have nothing to do with him anymore..i hope he is happy with his life and whoever he is with..im sure he too..must have moved on..i swallowed hard thinking of the little time i had with him..i hope that it should have been longer..
trying not to feel broken hearted i always busied myself with unnecessary stuff..
maybe its his way of not replying my msg..or maybe he has many other things on his mind rather than being bothered bout his ex..
hahahahaha!..
i feel so stupid...ye la..cam bodo je kowt mengharap kat lelaki..
kalau dapat benefit takpe jugak..
ape laa aku niey..kenape nak tunggu...
bazir jee...bukan dye kisah pun kowt...aishh...
sumwhere..somehow...i think he is close to someone else in his global network..
hahahaha!...laugh out loud leslie...its time to stay awake...
Aizat is no longer in your extended network.....:))

confessions of a kampung girl....

2009-06-30T23:35:00.003+08:00

im not from KL...
im not from a big city..i was born in Kuantan..a small town in Pahang..
i grew up without a dad...hes not dead...hes alive...i juz grew up without him...
i was raised by my late grandma in Kuala Selangor..when i was 4 my grandma died because of an accident...so my mom brought me home..to kuantan..

honestly,ive never been abroad...i never reached outside the borders of Malaysia..
my mother said,im the only unlucky fella in my family because i never ever get the chance to travel like they did...
its okay...one day i will...

im not rich..i grew up in an average income family...yea la..cuz my mom is the only one my siblings and i have...shes our bread and butter...i dont own expensive stuff...i love the way i am...and i never tend to regret it..i shopped durimg sales and grab all the stuff i wanted..thats why sumtimes my shoes are so fragile...huhuu...

i dont really eat lavish food..its not that i dont eat but im not accustomed to certain brands of food...gloria jeans coffee for instant....wendy's...coffee bean..and plenty more(tak igt name2 dye..)...
..i eat,watever that i feel decent and eatable...im a bit choosy with foods especially regarding where its cooked...i bet everyone would feel the same...

i hate people who look down on others..u see...sum people thinks that maids or servants are so low...they are treated like hamba abdi..as for me..i hate it that way..i grew up with maids..sleep on the same bed with them.Maids are the person responsible to raise me up...my mother was a busy woman...she barely have time for me...maids are human too...they are the reason i learned how to pray..:)

i dont like to show off...because to me..theres nothing to show off about my life..even if there is..i will make sure that its for keeping wats mine..i believe that one day whatever it is that is ours now may not be ours one day...

i believe in love..just as how i believe in life..:)we cant force love to come..because love is sumthing natural...if you force it..then its not natural anymore..:)...

Boooks for Holidays!..

2009-06-29T22:47:00.005+08:00

How it beats..how anxious it gets..the more closer I felt….i miss every part that contains Aizat Synester in it….every part which once gave me a love life…

Well…nothing much happens….this holiday I spent my days reading…hahaha..

Not that much..but I managed to complete a few books…

The best book is the Summer Of Secrets..its a love novel and trust me..its so captivating..it started with a tragedy…then the main character boast me with her strength to recover from her painful memory..she met a guy and it was not easy for her because they were like enemies..but in the end..that enemy turns out to be her soulmate..so romantic..

The second best book is the Marriage Hearse written by Kate Ellis..

This is way too cool..the plot is amazing..left me with plenty of questions..the author plays with my imagination..can u imagine that a bride was murdered an hour before her wedding….plus..a mysterious corpse was found in an old ranch..along with a body of a man who just got married…cool thriller…

Other books are interesting but I don’t wanna type a synopsis of it….grrr….hehehehe…..

Okayla…Dewi Anggraeni’s book is mostly bout Indonesian Folk Tales..shorts stories….local customs and also superstitious belief thang…hekhek..

Over Exposure is bout British lad who is a journalist…full of British crap..but blimey..i need dictionary to read this book..really tooo British…

..im a mother..?

2009-06-27T12:44:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA...27th june 2009..
….kakak went to Manado today..along wif mummy..im bored here..i have to look after kakak’s hse which is not what im looking forward to..
Plus..aizats not around to share stuff…kakak even left me wif shitloads of junk food to eat…
And cash(this is obviously the best part laa)…
..well…she even left me wif a basket full of dirty clothes which needed washing..
..and a house to clean..
..and plants to water!...ggrrrr..how ‘exciting’ can this holiday even be?...
Hurmmm…but apologies accepted cuz kakak bought me a new pair of shoe yesterday..yeeha!
This morning..i had to wake up at 6.30 bcuz me and kakak had to leave home for Klia to fetch mummy..
By the time we reached home,everything was up side down..i had to help kakak with the last minute packing and owh god!...pnat…when my niece, marissa looked at me wif my messy hair and pajamas…she said ‘aida,u looked like a mother’…
Hahahaha!very funny…….yea rite..hell yea I looked like one..i dun even have time to comb my hair when I woke up..plus..i tak mandi pun pegi Klia..i just changed to shorts n a tee, grab my handbag n off to airport wif kakak..owh kids sumtimes do say the darnest things…!!

..im smiling..

2009-06-25T00:56:00.003+08:00

...he texted me...huhuuu....n we chatted through fb..juz for a moment though..but its enuff to keep me smiling...hehehe...
i noe i sound silly...but while gallivanting through my numerous messages saved in my phone..i tend to delete other messages and kept his in there..well m not deleting his pictures..well at least not now...his name is the first in my list..lucky thing it starts with an A for ai--t..:p..well...its late nite ady la now..its 25th june ady..wow..so soon..hurmm..

aaaarrrghhhh!

2009-06-24T11:54:00.001+08:00

I MISS YOU!!!!!!

Healthy Faggot..winky2..

2009-06-24T10:44:00.001+08:00

i know that it is the norm in life that humans are made of sperms and ovum…
I admit…that is a fact. It is proven through scientific research…hahaha..what am I kidding… as for me..im made of some different components as well…
(saje nak ngarut memalam bute nie)…

Im made of steel,iron,vitamin C’s,fats,Carbohydrates,potassium,water,nuclear, and smiles..huhuu…

Steel-cuz I tend to stand still without falling no matter how hard life seems..even without u around.

Iron-I don’t look back once I move forward. No matter how bad your treating me..i still and will always be here..im a proud supporter who will always be by your side.

Vitamin C’s-I have all the energies in this world to make the happiest voice in the world when u called. I will always be an active person in showing you happiness, no matter how hurt I am by your reactions.

Fats-its in me…so theres nothing I can do bout it..:p

Carbohydrates-u give me energy. An energy which I feel lost if ur not there.

Potassium- let me be that banana to provide you with the potassium to breathe when u suffocate…errk!

Water-it flows all the times because of you. Not to worry,I always drink water to make sure i will never run out of it..

Nuclear-this energy will explode when I give up already, this energy will reach it’s highest level when my tears are more than just a bucket,when I stopped feeding you potassium,when I lost that fake happiest voice,when im no longer strong…..this nuclear will explode...

Smiles-I was greeted by this since the day I was born. I will always smile no matter how,what,why and when that sadness,madness,ignorance,tension came….i love smiles…just as how much I tend to force it now…

ALL cried OUT..

2009-06-24T10:34:00.001+08:00

Songs that I listened to lately…
1)Utada Hikaru-come back to me
2)allure n 112-all cried out
3)miley cyrus-the climb
4)Mariah carey-we belong together
5)Kelly Clarkson-my life would suck without u
6)taylor Swift-invisible

…I’d rather read books..i’d rather busy myself with stuff I think I love doing..
My phone seems a little quiet lately, cuz theres no one to text and call.
..im happy..at least im trying hard to be..i juz want you to noe.
Wherever u are..if youre reading this..be safe..be happy..
When I lost sum1 years ago,I didn’t really realize that it would hurt this much..
But I grew up..and god has granted me the same suffering he once felt..
..it takes time to recover..
Its not easy for me…
Its hard with such a soft heart so I tend to cry each day whenever I think of u..
I always looked at the phone..always expecting sumting from you..
But ouch…its not going to happen..

If there is sum1 else other than me..i hope she makes u happy..
..understand a little bit more..
..i guess with u bein gone..i learned to calm..i learned to stop..
..i turned to be low…and learned to be confused..:)
…hahahaha!...owh crap........im all tears again..

..him..and only him...

2009-06-23T03:02:00.005+08:00

he took my heart away...

when i needed someone to love...

even before i have him....

i like him without even understanding him....

.....he sleeps and sleeps...

..he enjoys footballs...

...he hates harry potter cuz he'll sleep watching it...

...he hangs out in privacy...

..hes a frank lampard fan..

..he followed footballs in late nights....

......he has a lot of 'gfs'....

......hes's just bein him....

...he's aizat............

.......n me.....im close...but far...

..baby come back to me...

2009-06-23T02:53:00.003+08:00

....why do we have to be this way....
...i admit my mistakes that are forever unforgivable...but dont leave me when i love u....i love u so much....its not the calls that matters..its u in my heart that counts...i dont want us to break up...i wil change for u...please be willing to change for me..i love the way u said hye when ur awake..the way u made those phone calls in the night...i taw u tak expressive..i accepted you...dont leave syg...pls....come back...it kills me evn more to noe that ur not my boyfriend...i dont know how much u love me...but i noe u do....plss.....lets work this out.....come back..syg....plss dont give up...i will....be with u...
just like the first day u proposed....

2009-06-20T23:20:00.002+08:00

DREAMING Of YOU
(a famous song by the late SELENA PeREZ)

And this is for Aizat…

Late at night when all the world is sleeping,
I stay up and think of u,
And I wish on a star,
That somewhere u are thinking of me too…
Cuz im dreaming,
Of u tonight,
Till tomorrow,
I’ll be holding u tight,
And theres nowhere in the world I’d rather be..
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you n me..
Wonder if u ever see me ,
And I wonder if u know im there,
If u look in my eyes,
Would u see whats inside,
Would u even care,
I just wanna hold u close
But so far,
All I have are dreams of u,
So I wait for the day,
The courage to say,how much,
I love you..
Yes I do….
I’ll be dreaming,
Of u tonight,
Till tomorrow,
I’ll be holding you tight,
And theres nowhere in the world I’d rather be,
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me…

Be Happy...in jealousy!..

2009-06-03T01:47:00.002+08:00

..well well well....no more diet 4 me..gosh...2day is da 3rd june...obviously cuz its 2.ooam!...
diz evening i went to starhill wif my sister and her hubby(and her kids too)...we went to lotsa shops..which i cant afford to buy anything..of cuz la..i got no money ma...i just followed my sister and her husband...u see..my sister is leading kind of a pampert life...her husband is a flight engineer...no wonder she could afford a Coach Bag worth rm1900...and not to forget her 3 pairs of Tods shoes....n just now..she was bugging her hubby to get her a nice hand carry LV bag....
..i felt sad somehow...well...cuz i wanted a Louis bag too...but it seems impossible cuz i need to have my own money first...plus...i only got rm150 in my purse..which is so lame...hahahaha.....
owh..back at my diet...we had dinner at Jogoya in Starhill...blimey...i ate all the food i could....sushi..western...teppanyaki...bbq...panasian meals..lovely fruits dipped with chocolate fountain...and also a deliciously baked chocolate almond cookies...i wish i could eat there everyday...
well...just to share the thought. i think..eventhough as a student we dont have enough money to get all those lavish stuff money can buy..
dont make it as a barrier that it is a failure 4 us...the prob is...we have to act like those feelings are being a catalyst for us to improve...we have to study hard....
..i hope..one day..i can afford to buy a Louis Vuitton bag...or maybe some dresses from BcBg...with my own money of course..huhuuuu...as for now..the only 'high end' stuff i owned is just:
1)nine west stilettos (mummy gave it)
2)Fendi handbag (its a second hand cuz its from my mom)
3)my 10 roxy bags..:p
4)my dior sling bag(birthday present)
5)Paris Hilton,JLo,Estee Lauder perfumes from mummy n kakak)....
6)ELLE travelling Bag(Mummy beli)
7)Guess Gold Handbag(Kakak bagi)
8)my pink Dell (mummy beli jugak)
......................................
wuuuu...basically..thats just it..and none of it i bought with my own money..i envy some people with credit cards...cuz u just have to swipe and smile!...i wish i had one...
...the conclusion is...be greatful..:)

..euw...

2009-05-30T11:34:00.002+08:00

my mom used to tell me...'dun eat oily food!dun eat rice at night!dun eat junk food!'...well the prob is..if she is supposed to keep me away from those food, why on earth would she buy them in the first place and stuff it to me?...geesh...last week, on the 24th May 2009..i was forced to join her for her morning aerobic class..very very tiring i tell you..huhuuuu...and guess wat..she still thinks im fat..owh bother!....i am not that fat!..i mean..compared to during my school days..yea i admit i 'grew' a lil bit...but is it a problem?..one day..i will get in shape..just not now...btw...this picture was taken when i wnt to waste my time at home...with my new dress!yeehaaa!

stupid..

2009-05-30T02:08:00.002+08:00

...am i hungry?..
i guess not...im just bored...
today is May 30th....its 2am...im sick bored...really sick bored...huhuu....im sick and tired of airports..for this month only..its already 5 times i've been boarding the flight back and forth back and forth from Kuantan Kl..Kl Kuantan and vice versa...
why i had to do it...well because...my lazy sister suggested that i spend a few days with her which incidentally turned out to be a week..or maybe more!...im so tired...i had to look after her kids..helped her with the dishes...and not to forget..cleaned her bloody house!...god..what am i?..a freelance maid?..:(

17 MOST VALUABLE BOYFRIEND CRITERIA’S

2009-05-30T01:55:00.000+08:00

1) will u buy me a teddy which I will always hug and kiss whenever I miss u…
2) are you willing to lend me a hand whenever I feel down and cant even look up?
3) Are you going to be there when I feel lost and unwanted, when I feel hurt and sad?
4) Will u come straight away to my aid whenever I seriously need u?
5) What will be the first word that came into your mind whenever we see each other?...i hope its ‘ I love this girl,…now and forever’..
6) Do you love everything about me…..?
7) Do you intend on visiting the City of Fashion with me one day?
8) Will you look after me and not just date me for your own satisfaction?
9) Would you rather be with me instead of spending your time doing things you love to do?....(like watching footballs and sleeping) would you just spend it with me instead?
10) Are you willing to call me everyday?
11) Will u be with me for as long as this relationship will take us?
12) Would you put me 2 sleep by calling me during those nights when I cant even close my eyes?
13) Will u promise me that u will not call other girls ‘syg,bby,etc’…like how you used to call me and only me?
14) Are you willing to give your heart or liver to me if yours suites mine whenever I have health complications…?
15) Are you willing to follow me shopping for a long wee hours because im a very fussy person?
16) Will you bear such patience for me because I may be an asshole at certain times?
17) I love you….will you love me too?

Well, if your answer is YES for this entire question…then you’re the most lovable boyfriend ever!!!!!!!!

..how..why..when..

2009-05-30T01:49:00.004+08:00

With mixed emotions I ran as fast as I could and stopped….still panting under such heavy breath…I created this blog…Im leslie…I was born in Kuantan,phg…then my chubby tiny body was shifted to Jeram,Selangor to be raised by my late grandmother since my mother was too bust working to raise the three of us because my father went ‘koo-koo’….wuteva!..
My mom used to tell me (n everyone else!)that when I was small back in Jeram I always climbed the coco tree…I would eat the coco fruit…and also bathe in the fish pond which my grandfather built…baby tarzan…I guess that’s who I was…my grandmother passed away when I was four…so my mom brought me back to Kuantan..i was this ugly,spoilt and rotten teethed kampong girl…
When I first met my aunts and uncle’s and cousins….i don’t even know a single shit bout English...i was so stupid…my family on my fathers side instilled English as their mother tongue..its like their flesh and blood…their daily language is English..
As for me…my first word was in Malay. I was really ignorant in English. I don’t know how and what got into me that I became so interested in English until I managed to step on the floor im standing now….eventhough im still not goody darn two shoes as sum of my batchmates..still at least i undertstood that potato is KEntang..huhuuuu

...colors..

2009-05-19T04:07:00.000+08:00

...PLAy with colors...i do it all the time..(no wonder i look horrible):p

.....trying to look great matters to everyone..

2009-05-19T04:00:00.003+08:00

...fat people cant wear what they want?..wrong!..at least you be comfortable...its not about skirts..shorts..or even baby tees..its just about how u wear it and how u make urself look in it...confident is all that matters!..

..any comments??

2009-05-19T03:57:00.002+08:00

....pose..its what i do worse...

.....Bad HAIR Day?...

2009-05-19T03:46:00.003+08:00

......Think of the day when my hair is messy..well i guess i can answers that...everyday!...how do i combat this?...simple...act all natural or even use some moisturiser for the hair to regain its moisture balance..im not quite a hair expert myself..but all i noe is that..all hairs have its own magical look...u just need to do an experiment and flaunt it like ur from the salon whereas in the actual truth,its just from the tip of ur own palm.....

hair rules..:..

1)dont color ur hair when ur hair is already damaged..

2)if u have dark skin..avoid extremely highlighted hair..it will mke u look so "poppy".

3)if ur wearing tudung..please do not wet ur head then cover it with ur tudung..be sure to dry it first.this is to avoid damaged hair to cultivate its genes on ur head..

4)dont ever dry ur hair with a hairdryer directly to ur scalp...it will damage ur hair structure and make ur scalp dry..

.....how those voice ruled me..

2009-05-19T03:12:00.003+08:00

.....i just love the way you talk...
....the calmness it brings..
..shattered all my fury away..
..whenever im lost..
..those voice are the ones..
..that blew secrets of past..
..to hide without coming back..
..and as forever this heart shall pound..
..with this lungs still breathing..
..i will,always..and forever..love u..

...my other half..

2009-05-19T03:03:00.002+08:00

..turn over a new leaf..

2009-05-19T02:51:00.003+08:00

....u see..i had a horrible love life before this..of course i may not be like my friends..to have a great relationship..but i am who i am...its stupid for girls to wait for the guy of their dreams..i admit it..when i was left alone not wanting to be anyones girlfriend..a guy came...he waited..tried to contact me..approach me..but i ignored him....cuz i was waiting for my ex to come back..(how stupid can i be)..one day,..i met an old friend of mine who asked me how life is..i told him..'sucks'..'life is empty'.....he asked me why am i not with anyone after i broke up with afeeq...i told him..'im still waiting for him to come back'..(again,thats a stuupid answer from me)...that friend of mine said 'Dont u have any pride?..stop waiting..hes not coming back..go n get urself someone else'..

those words brought me to my senses......

i fell in love with a guy who waited for me, who tried to contact me, and approach me.....a guy who is so down to earth and captivate me with the warmness of how love is...im in love..after nearly two years being alone without a steady relationship......

..How Ugly can u Look in a Photo?

2009-05-19T02:45:00.002+08:00

...is this the best i can give?definitely..cuz its the only thng that matters..(looking great in photos)..

....me and my origins...

2009-01-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

What is sad story? If you are telling me that you woke up late one day, then you missed the bus, dirtied your school uniform or clothes, didn’t complete your homework, got detention, failed your mini math test, reached home late then suddenly that night your boyfriend you….if that is a sad story for you. It may not be for me because I have a much more sad story to share. I guess this all just about why I hate myself sometimes for not having that much trust regarding some certain things… especially when it comes to man.
Reality is, I was born without a love of a father.. my mother married my dad for 15 years. They have 3 children. My sister, my brother, and me… I guess life was just as it is…until my dad had some one else in his life except my mother. I cant disclose much because im not clear myself on how he end up with this woman. All I know is that after such close relationship, my day left my mom for her. Its all gods will. Who can predict that a 15 years marriage may end just like that.
When I was born, my mother was a single parent. With no proper salary, she had to raise 3 children, pay the house bills, the car, school fees and everything else.
It came to me quite clearly that my mother is my father and my mother is also my mother. I heard how my dad hit my mom. How he brought my stepmother (he married the woman) to our house even though he knew that he had nothing to do with my mother but he still brought my stepmother to our house. I guess he never learn how to respect people. Im always sad by the fact that I never really get to know how it feels like having a biological father by my side. I went to school and mingle with friends who have such a miraculously great relationship with their father. They kissed their dad. Went on a vacation together. If they wanted something, they get to ask their father and they always have stories about their dad and so many funny things related to father, father, father….
My life is not as bright as you think it is. There is always that time when I feel that im the most unluckiest person in the world. In Islam, there is this term called ‘nafkah’. It is like a payment that a husband has to give his wife and children monthly after they divorced. This is to make sure that he takes the responsibility I raising his children even though he is over with his wife. My father failed in paying his ‘ nafkah ‘ towards me and my siblings. My mother said once, he never ushered even a penny to her for raising us. Yet, after all this days, my mother provided us all with the things we need. Even if she had to starve in order to feed us.
I have a friend, who recently lost her father. She always cried and she looked so miserable. As friend I advice her, I told her that she should just stop being sad. At least think about how her father might have felt if he saw her being like that. I told her about my story. I have a father but it hurts when he never paid any attention to me. It hurts when he is still alive but I never even know what colour he likes, what food he loves and what is his hobby. I’ve never even kissed him. He never even called his daughter. It’s painful to have a father that is alive but he never even care as if he is already gone forever. I told her, that when her father is gone, at least she knew that her father is gone and he is not coming back. But me…I know he is alive and well..but he never came..just like how I used to hope he would be there since I was young….

....mummy....

2009-01-07T14:47:00.001+08:00

10 REASONS WHY I LOVE MY MOTHER

1) When she scolds me..its not hatred that fills her lungs..it is love.
2) When she doesn’t have enough money..it was not because she spend it. It was because she was making sure that I have enough money.
3) When I want to face the biggest exams…I would always think of my mother..because she always want me to succeed..
4) She said so many times, ‘its okay if I lost all my money..at least you have your education…’
5) She never taught me how to hate a person, she just taught me how to make the right decision..
6) Her advice is always the right choice, because when she speaks… I don’t just listen…. but I remember.
7) When I was young, she always walloped me when I did something wrong… its not because she hates me..its because she wanted me to do everything right when I grow up…
8) She is not just a mother… she is in fact everything else in this world to me..
9) When people do bad things to her… she taught me not to pledge revenge…but to respect and to treat people well because Allah SWT is The Almighty.
10) …she is my mother… how can I not love her

..my story..

2009-01-07T14:45:00.001+08:00

Hello…im here again to spit it all out… I am really nervous because my results are coming out and im scared that I might repeat some papers. For the past 2 semesters I have never repeated any papers but im scared that during my recent final examination I may not succeed since the papers are quite tuff.
Anyways, lets just spit it out. I am sick and tired of silly people. Who are this silly people? They are annoying, irrational, ridiculous people who thinks they are so good.
One of my bestfriend, Mien called me and asked about this ‘gurl’. Lets name her Teapot. Well, my bestfriend asked me whether is Afeeq really close to Teapot. I said ‘ I don’t know. I guess they are close since they text each other, ym’s, and the global networking things..maybe they are close’…Mien even admitted about her feelings of disgust towards Teapot.
How silly am I if I were to hate a person who did nothing to me..the problem is, that Teapot DID do something and I am somehow irritated with her. To think positive, I was not born to hate someone out of any rational reason. Dalam erti kate lain, if dia tak buat ‘taik’ takkan la aku nak benci dia.
I still remember when I asked Afeeq..’ what did Teapot poisoned you about me?...he just said ‘ she told me to forget about you if I love my girlfriend’…I wanted to cry at that moment. Why? Because he accepted an advice from a girl who is a player and a girl who went out with guys just after knowing them for one minute, and a girl who has a boyfriend of a few years but still dated someone else, a girl who has no sense of respect to her lecturer, a girl who is in a team of friends that once said ‘Hodoh mcm tu pun ada hati nk kawan dgn aku’…..……he took an advice from that girl????!!!.....i wanted to reach out to Afeeq and just tell him…I am still myself since the day I walked out of his life….i wouldn’t have been where I am now if I changed… why listen to people when they will not even listen to you…. Why do you have to forget when you still never learn not to love…. Orang boleh cakap macam-macam untuk diri sendiri… tapi akal kita yang kene berfikir… bukan orang dan bukan kawan….sumtimes…dengar suara hati sendiri lebih baik daripada dengar cakap orang……..i am and forever will be myself….

..how it feels..

2009-01-07T14:38:00.002+08:00

I don’t know how to begin this story. I can’t tell whether it’s going to be a happy one or a sad one. It’s just such a different tale told by me, the person typing this story. Well it was in 2005 when I had to move to an absolutely-in-a-jungle-like-area in Kuala Lipis which is well known to be the hometown of Malaysian heartthrob Siti Nurhaliza. Its just that my school is surrounded by oil palm estate and well……how do u describe it…well yeah..deserted. It was ‘hi there’ and ‘hallo here’ when I reach that school. No more break dancing, no more handphones, no more Mcdonald’s and movies….no more to the world of fun. Well the first day at school was so sarcastic..so was the second,third,fourth and fifth..it was orientation! What do you expect Leslie Aida?...sofa and pop corns? It was a pleasure to meet people from Kelantan, Terengganu and even people from my hometown..Kuantan!..

You see…after all the school was not that bad. It’s just that the rules are strict and there’s no such thing as having hell of a fun. The course im taking in that school was not the typical-math-english-thingy..it was more towards building construction. Mind me; it was one hell of a course. I have to play with cements, bricks, sand and lots of tools to start with. Then there’s this wood class and how I have to cut the woods using a special machine. Then there’s the glue, nails, hammer and everything that is suppose to be a man’s job. My classmates are those friendliest of all people…I guess so..well lets get to my dorm mates.. There’s epah who is very close to me. Then there’s syaza who is a back stabber, there’s john the weirdest of all species, there’s As the plump one, there’s nida who is a stick. Then there’s intan who wants to be a psychologist and finally there’s eisha whom in the end moved to another school…which really made me sad. Let’s just focus on the story. My seniors..well..well..well…there’s plenty to mention about them. I love Kak Long because she is such a goody-two-shoes-sister…so adorable!..Some are good and of course some are bad..i prefer not to mention about them. Well my first activity in that school was to join the girls scout. It’s all about the girlish thing cause im a pink girlish girl. Then, there’s rumours about this debate and all that. Yeah, I joined it. And I met this one and only guy to join the interview. He was afeeq nordin. A shy guy I dare say. And he didn’t want to join the debate club but I did of course. Syaza and I talked to each other that afeeq is actually good looking. It’s just that he may not be as out spoken as some other person may be. I didn’t have anything else in my mind except just focus on debate. I just discovered a new talent of mine which is debating. My coach Sir mokh was the greatest of all coach since he was the one in charge of teaching me and my friends on how to debate.

That’s just not the end of my interesting activity in that particular school. There’s this theatre club open to all juniors. Of course I took the chance in taking the part because I love to act as it runs in the blood. I went for the practices and there’s this audition for the theatre presentation. Then I met him again..afeeq. He was there for the audition too. Well it was more towards him being with his then-bestfriend..Nuqman. It was at that time I really felt for him. I don’t know why. There’s this strong magnetic feeling of me wanting to see him more often even though we rarely talked. I just couldn’t describe that felling on this piece of paper but I do agree that I can still feel it until now whenever I think of him. At least at that time he never knew that I would look at him from the balcony of my dorm everyday in the morning to see him off to the school building. I was spying on him…hehhee..naughty right?..i know..starting from one of those days in june 2005, theres going to be an everyday practice at the school hall for the theatre team. Am I glad to hear that? It means I can see him more often. I did. I really did. He did try to approach me. I think I was giving to much hope or something but I think that’s just how it goes.

It was Friday….5th august 2005 in the afternoon before Friday prayers…he wanted to see me at the engineering classes. I was with Epah and I was really anxious to know why he would want to see me. I went there. And there he was in front of me. Getting closer he said he said wanted to say something. He looked nervous. But he managed to ask the question…’would you like to be my girlfriend?’...i was shocked..happy and excited..it was the happiest moment in my life!...i said ‘yeah..why not…’ and we chatted a little the we made our own way. On my way back to the hostel I can hear him screaming and banging something withexcitement..My heart wanted to bang too…

Our relationship was little bit unconfident at the first place..he was quiet and im just that shy girl next door. We seldom meet in school due to the strict rules and teachers with wide eye around. But we manage to keep in touch very well. He would call from the boys block..and we would pass letters around. It was so cute. Honestly, our main medium in reaching out to each other is to use letters. I just love writing to him. Of course no relationship is free from trouble. We had arguments. We had trouble with study and love. We had jealousy in our ways. We even had a few misunderstanding. He was there for me. And we face a lot of stuff together. The teacher’s gossip…the scoldings for being in love at school..the busses that didn’t pick us up and the day I lost my purse and he bought me a ticket….our days in the long hours of bus rides. There was this day during one of our first journey together in the bus, he didn’t even talk..he was being quiet..and I was sad because I wanted him to talk and tell me what is wrong..its just that we are both still new in this relationship…then time passes by..it was already coming to the end of our school days…did I mention during the school break of 2005 we contacted through e-mails…awesome rite?..well..during the last month of school..it was really difficult for both of us…focusing on the most important exams of my life and also to focus on afeeq..i can do both but I will tend to focus more on him..i love him..i studied so hard because I don’t want to be stupid..he was there to study with me..he thought me math which I am very weak at. He thought me a lot of things..its not just about study..in one way or another he thought me to about my own religion as well. You see, I was born in a family of busy working people. I grew up spending most of my time with hired Indonesian servants. So, there’s not much to learn about my own religion. Thank god I went to lipis. I learnt a lot in that school. It all just came to me now…the school that I hate the most in the first place turns out to be the best school in the world!!...i studied hard..i found my true love..i got everything in the world when I was in that school..the most important was that I had afeeq as my boyfriend....
The hardest situation ever was when he had to go for National service…it means..no handphones..and only a once in a while of phone conversation..if he called it wouldn’t be a long conversation..and I really miss him..i used to text him..asking what he was doin but suddenly when he had to attend the training it was like my life is so dull…

Then..the results were out….both of us got 5A’s..well..i was hoping for 6..but Alhamdulillah…it was better than none..the next best thing…afeeq get to pursue his studies at the Johore Matriculation College..and I get to go to UiTM kuantan…how pathetic is that…its not pathetic that we have to go and study but it is pathetic because we are apart…again.
I never get a chance to see him before he went to college.
So…that’s when it all started.

University is tiring…my first day being a university student was in Jengka..again I had to deal with orientation..i called him…telling him how hard life is..i text him when im free..and the best part was we are all forbidden to use the telephone but I manage to walk fast while afeeq was on the line talking to me..he could hear me panting like a mad woman running away to save her life..hehehe…
I was in Jengka for five whole days..then I was back at my own campus..all set to be a lawyer…my campus is in Kuantan its just the orientation that is held in Jengka..i think it was due to the fact that the Kuantan Campus is not that big after all..there’s not enough space for a tiring orientation…law subjects are fun..i get to learn a lot of the legal part..there’s Malaysian politics and government...there’s the law definition which is not precise at all…and there’s English which is fun.owh..did I mention computer science?..god..i hate computers…but I love the subject!..

My relationship with afeeq was running smoothly…I love those days..i admit that sometimes I was so absorb in work and studies and debates and friends..it was just so new..everything was new..he would call..and I never kept any secrets away from him…I told him all the things he needed to know…including about how this senior was trying to hitch on me…how he sent flowers..and theres the presence of Hani...the worse was the presence of that particular senior…I couldn’t run…it was a small campus…I didn’t love yas..but it was the feeling that im gonna hurt afeeq that drew me away from him…it was because of that feeling I took a larger step..i had to choose…the problem is..i accepted yas’s gift…I act as if I gave him hope..and I went out with him..how would afeeq have felt?..i know it yet I still do it..that is my prolem..i love afeeq!i love him so much that I made the decision to let afeeq go..he was hurt..i know it..he was really hurt…I couldnt think why I let him go…it looks as if I don’t love him..it looks as if I was playing him….but I wasn’t..i was his girlfriend..the only girl he ever loved that much…so is he to me..among all my boyfriends..he was the only one that managed to change me to be a much better person…the love he showered me with was a love that is hard for me to get..

I walked away because I don’t have trust in man…I trust afeeq..but im still scared of him going away…we are apart…he was in johore..im in Kuantan..i cant trust guys because of my past..i was surrounded by my parents fallen apart marriages..stories about how filthy my dad is..about how he screwed up..about how he failed to fulfill his job as a father…I cant trust a guy..the trust vanished since the day I was born…I walked away because I failed in being a good girlfriend…I cant trust myself in having a relationship with him…no one understands why I made that decision..including afeeq..all his friends tend to accuse me of being so bitchy…bitchy for breaking up with him twice…
Why I cant just stay with him?..the answer is will I ever be a girlfriend that he wanted. I cant even concentrate on him and divide my studies…not just that…I cant even pick up his phone calls when im out with my friends!...why I dump him twice?..i couldn’t be there for him..i could not pretend like everything was okay when it is actually not…why its not okay?..im not strong with long distance relationship..i cant stop thinking that our relationship is not strong..we shared the greatest days in Lipis for two years..why?because we were together under the same compound…same blocks..same field..same grouds…same hall…I get to see him everyday…its different in university….we were hundreds of kilometres away…how can I cope with that…yes. I am stupid, im not strong, I jeopardise our love for my own feeling without thinking about him still loving me. Its still not clear why I made the decision to let him go..it was infact the biggest mistake of my entire life as I lost him and he is never coming back..its not that he died…its just that he already have someone special..

I was in my last semester for foundation when I found out that he is with someone. I did not bother because it was not really from his mouth. You see, I never kept any secrets from him even though we are over. I told him everything he needs to know. Including my situation when im with Hani. Who is Hani? Lets just keep it to myself. I never indulge in a more serious relationship with anyone else after him..i wanted him to be with me..hold my hands again..lend me his shoulder when im in need and to always be there and listen to everything that is bothering me..if only he could wait a little longer and if only he didn’t lie…in early October 2008, he called to mention something which is rather unexpected. He told me that he just hooked up with a girl and they are together now. I took it like a strong girl even though I know that my dreams of being with him again were shattered. I took no consideration of all the sadness that may come after that because I wanted to focus more on my final examination. It was plastic. Everything that showed on my face, the smiles, the laugh..it was all plastic..during the semester holidays..i cried..i stay with myself and just think of how unlucky I am. One day, it came to me..i opened his friendster sometime ago…many times to be precise…and I saw this picture of words written on a wall or something..it was afeeq’s name and that girl. At first I didn’t take it seriously… Then I realised that something is fishy. I texted him back eventhough the day before we both agreed not to contact each other again..i asked him honestly when did he hooked up with that girl. And he said it was in May..not October like he said..

What am i? a toy? A bitch? A whore he can use that way….why lied?. I know even though he told me the truth the fact is, it would still be the same..he is still with that girl…the difference is…he told me he loves me..he told me telling her ‘I love you’ was not the same as telling me…he said he wished that his girlfriend now is me..he called me syg..he called me baby…he called me all this things he used to call me when we were together…he called me all of that lovely names then suddenly…yesterday he told me that he didn’t love me…and that he wanted to be with her his entire life!!!…..what am I afeeq nordin…just a few days ago you ushered me with hope and a dreamy love..suddenly you took it all away with that sentence..you told me to stop contacting you..you treated me like a stranger as if I am a poor beggar asking for that love of yours…I am that beggar…a beggar whom you loved once…the beggar who waited for you to come back until she lost her mind to be normal again just to be with you… selfish..you are with her since May..but u still text me during those time…you called me….still wishing for me…I was just stupid enough to feel all this love when its all a waste of my time…I couldn’t forget him not even for a minute. I coudnt live without having a little wee of his memory with me….yet..he still want me to go…I shall go..but I regret to those time when I told him I love him..i regret to those time that I believe he would wait for me..i regret to those times when I was too honest with him…and I regret that he didn’t try in approaching me…I am angry with him giving me hope…I am angry that he is with someone else and he can just simply throw me away…he didn’t even called…he didn’t even wish Hari Raya…he cant even make the effort to contact me…….yet..i still want him…maybe this is what god paid me for leaving him last time…I’ve paid the price….all the pain that I have now is just to see his letters in my room..our pictures in my laptop..our memories in my mind..his t-shirts…those two years…are the best years of my life…I cant hate him even though I tried..im not a heartless person to hate someone who threw me away after he has a girlfriend…im strong..at least im trying to be….im recovering from that serious injury I felt at heart…it still makes me smile to think that he is happy with her….cuz he wanted to spend his entire life with her…and I shall always smile for him…..

Waking up to this day, I know that I will not get him back. So im preparing myself that I will not wait for him anymore. There is not a chance that I am ever going to be with him again. Even though I had prepared myself with trust that I am going back to him. It’s to late now. It’s really to late. Lets juz hope he will lead a happy live…..cuz I still and forever will….love him.

...whoa...

2008-10-13T13:40:00.002+08:00

...hey...guess wat....im in my third semester now...n i dunt even feel like smiling....wana know why?...cuz i feel so stupid...i've skipping my economics classes for no reason and i feel so lost because my final exam is coming near...yet...i didnt study a single shit...i wana cry so much and i want to share my feelings...but i have no one to share it with...wish meng is here...sumtimes shes annoying...but shes a good fwen..

Logically...

2008-08-15T20:46:00.003+08:00

Well, this psycho girl has something on her mind...
What is logic, exactly? I don't know what you will define it as, but i think logic is what make sense... even though i said this, some things just doesn't make sense to me (no wonder they call me the blur girl LOL)...
Like, what's the logic of a phone ringing in a crowded place to be picked up by someone? I say it's logic that the person who hear it must have some sort of super hearing 'cuz if it's me, i could barely hear the phone rings even when i'm asleep in a bus with the earphones stuck in my head!! (But that's just 'cuz i'm a heavy sleeper i guess... hehehe)
Nevertheless, you should raise your phone volume way up if you're going to noisy places like... the bowling alley for example... I would know 'cuz my frenz went there n when i called, they didn't pick up... guess they were busy shouting their hearts out over the game... =(
Not that it bothers me... Really!

Yours truly,
mengmeng

Movies i've watched recently....

2008-07-31T14:13:00.000+08:00

Most recently I've watched the new Batman movie, 'The Dark Knight'... It's a pretty cool movie though it lastetd for 2 n a half hours... Even thouogh they said that the movie's gonna be cursed, haunted or something like that 'cuz Heath Ledger (he's the Joker) died after the movie was filmed (though it was still in post-prodiction)... But I don't think it's haunted or anything... putting aside the fact that an actor in that movie died after playing the creepiest villain Batman ever faced, I found the movie quite thrilling as it is dark n disturbing... Overall, i think it's a good watch n u should catch it before everyone's talking about it n u have no clue about it at all... LOL... but that's just my opinion... you're welcome to share yours... Until next time....

written by: mengmeng

A friendly shout out 2 my roomie n all debaters!!

2008-07-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

Hey there! My roomie's not here rite now 'cuz she has debate... And one thing about debate is that it's not just an activity, but also a source 4 people with political dissatisfaction 2 unleash their wrath... Basically it's like watching a play where 6 people (in asian parliamentary) take on roles as the govt. & the opp. and then they pretend to be the upholders of justice... It's like what? A one-hour show where u try 2 make 3 people convinced that u r better than the other person? Truth is, debate can't b taken seriously unless the stuff u debated will actually b implemented... So take a chill pill n relax, debaters!

written by mengmeng

....diva to players to politician....

2008-07-29T16:16:00.000+08:00

Welcome to 3Ps blog...
what is the purpose of having this blog....well...cool enuff that girls create this blog...theres a lot of stuff comin up after this...but i guess for now...we just need a break....bye...